I Think All #WOMEN should wear #SEXY #UNDERWEAR / #LINGERIE And This Is Why…

Dear All,

So last month was my birthday and I was assessing the last 28 years and I was thinking when I have this, I’m going to do this and that. When I eventually get here, I’m going to stay here and do this. When I finally stop being single, I’m going to do this, that and the other, with my man and I’m going to buy a whole load of sexy clothes that I think a man might enjoy seeing me in bahahahahaha!

Then it hit me! – hold on – why am I waiting to get married before I wear sexy underwear?!!??!?! I was like:

“Oh no no no no no! Catherine you don’t dress your body for men, you dress your body in what makes you feel good and sexy because you’re worth it! You should feel good and sexy without the validation of a man. You shouldn’t need a man to say “ooo yeah!” at you before you feel sexy. The sexiness needs to come from the inside!”

So I marched over to Ann Summers and I bought the sexiest things I could find on the shelves (I was actually surprised at how tame the garments in there were) because it doesn’t matter if a man is going to see you or not. You see you and you should dress up for you, you’re worth it! If it makes you feel good and sexy, DO IT! (Within reason people… E.g. don’t walk around naked in public because it makes you feel sexy that’s just ridiculous, leave that kind of thing for indoors when the curtains are closed lol)

There’s nothing wrong with being sexy and embracing your sexiness! You are a human being, therefore, you are a sexual, sensual being. Embrace it! Even the Bible discusses human sensuality. Read Song of Solomon sometimes known as Song of Song for more info: https://www.blueletterbible.org/nlt/sng/1/1/s_672001

I feel like sometimes as women we just give up sometimes. We think oh nobody is looking at me any more because:

  • I’m waaaay over 50 or
  • I have children or
  • I’ve put on a bit of weight or
  • I’ve been single for a long time or
  • I have glasses or freckles or or or or and so on!

Here’s my rebuttal:

  • FOR THE OVER 50 I SAY! see the picture below:

  • FOR THE OVERWEIGHT I SAY! Some people are overweight because of health reasons and consequently are unable to loose the excess, BUT let me tell you, men are simple creatures. They’ll look regardless…. Some guys like a woman with a big bum! lol. I’m pretty sure my bum gets looked at far more than my face! For those who are physically able to loose the weight, love yourself by having a healthy diet, this will make you loose weight through a process of self love and not self hatred. Exercise and have a healthy lifestyle for health reasons, not aesthetic reasons, it’ll improve your sex drive anyway.Say it with me: “I am loosing weight and having a healthy lifestyle because that will help me to be the best me that I can possibly be”. Don’t try to be a weight that is unhealthy for your frame, if you’re a tall woman you should be heavier than the average woman because there is more of you, if you’re a small woman, when you’ve lost the weight you would naturally be lighter than the average woman etc. To find out the healthy weight for you see the NHS BMI Calculator below for more info:
  • FOR THOSE WITH CHILDREN, your man is thinking some boobs are better than no boobs at all lol! If you cover up because YOU THINK you’re spent and no longer an object of sexual desire following the baby(ies) he’ll just stop initiating, for two reasons:
    • Firstly: because it hurts his feelings MORE THAN YOU KNOW to get knocked back constantly.
    • Secondly: not because he’s not interested in you but because you aren’t interested in you. Your intangible emotional disinterest in yourself is expressed through you tangibly, physically covering up your body in drabness. Listen very carefully, no man is going to intentionally make his life difficult by trying to penetrate the impenetrable. He loves you enough to marry you and put one baby in you and watch the baby come out of you and is still sticking around? Then he probably wants to put another baby in you as well, giving birth isn’t pretty, yet he stayed lol. You’re not giving him the chance to prove how much he loves you and how decent he is (or is not depending on the case). He wants the you he fell in love with, who was confident and loved herself and was emotionally self sufficient. He found your self confidence super sexy! You are sexy! Game face! You’re a Yummy Mummy now! Get rid of those gross old things that your grandmother wouldn’t be seen dead in and make or buy some new hot ones or alter the ones you have (they don’t have to be new), or don’t wear any at all! (in the house not outside, lets be decent…). Go have sex with your husband, initiate, he won’t mind lol. You don’t like the excess baby weight? Exercise! Stretch marks? Coconut oil! You can do this! If you’re a mother you’re a hero anyway! Go Supermum! Go!

  • FOR THE SINGLE I SAY! Get your sexy glad rags on FOR YOU not anybody else, you’re never going to attract anyone sulking in your sackcloth and ashes. Be confident, you know you’re sexy, work out FOR YOU. Then, naturally, with your hot body and confident personality that comes from self love and the knowledge that Jesus thinks you’re wonderful, you’re going to find someone, in the process of loving yourself. Then when that person finally arrives YOU WONT NEED their validation like oxygen, which means you won’t be an emotional parasite on them.

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I’m actually a lot healthier physically and emotionally since I’ve changed my mentality on the matter of sexy underwear, ok I would just like to say my previous pieces did not look like Granny underwear but I just avoided the super slinky hoochie mama stuff which I am now embracing and it totally shows on the outside. I hope by now you guys realise this post isn’t about sexy underwear at all it is in fact about the self confidence that precedes the life choice to decide to wear a particular garment and it’s about wearing nice things because you are worth it, nice things aren’t just for skinny people or young people or people in relationships, they are for everyone! They are for you!

So, I bought a lovely new strappy swimming costume. I want to fit it nicely, so I’ve been working out and eating the right things, this in turn has been giving me the shape I want, in a healthy way because I want to do that for me. This in turn is making me more physically fit which has improved my overall health. Now, since I’ve been working out for me, I’ve actually been more determined in my workout sessions and getting much better results and I actually get more male attention! huzzah! lol! I went to the mall the other day and the dudes were like “whoa!” and “oh yes!” like really loud hehehe. But I don’t care, their attention, which I think was directed at my lady lumps, doesn’t interest me and that is as it should be!!!! It was a welcome surprise and I was flattered but I do not live for the affirmation of others. This has come about because I walk around with my head up high, knowing Jesus loves me and has made me beautiful and I’m slowly but surely loving myself a lot more, not looking around for affirmation, my affirmation comes from the inside. I’m dressing my body in fun things to love me 🙂 and its an exciting experience! Who doesn’t like shopping? Or altering clothes? My mother was happily taking in some clothes yesterday, happily because she had lost weight lol. I’m not saying that I’ve got all this stuff down. I’m still a work in progress myself but bit by bit Jesus is helping me to love myself, not in an arrogant way but in a self confident way.

I bought my sexy strappy things, I’ve been working out so I fit them nicely and I am going to wear them, I don’t care who can or cannot see! Let the sexy underwear revolution begin! [see the video below].

Catherine x

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I Wrote A Song About #Sex for my #PhD | #phdlife #freelance #musician #soundcloud #music #feminism |

Hello Everyone!

So as we know I’m doing a PhD in Music, in the area of Theomusicology & Feminist Musicology and some other things, with a practical element to it. So one of the things I’m looking at is how women and sex is represented in music as my project is interested in sexual politics (in a metaphorical sense) but in a literal sense sexual politics is also about sex. In response to my findings I’m going to produce some songs on the topic. The practical portfolio will have songs on various topics relating to women and music and theology. It will make sense when you read my thesis. Here’s a paraphrased summary of what I’ve learned, the full academic essay will come later.

I chose the topic of marital sex as a context for my section on women, music and sex. My intended outcomes for this song are to present women/wives as strong, mutual/equal with men/husbands, sensual/emotional beings that enjoy sex and have their own opinions and sex drives and sexual desires that are just as important as the man’s within the context of marital sex. Furthermore, as I am a woman of colour, I am writing from the perspective of a woman of colour and I hope that my piece along with the values therein, will address the negative stereotypes about women of colour that perpetuate within Western contemporary songs about sex. In Western popular songs about sex, women of colour are usually represented in the most abased and course way. Furthermore, songwriters have an irritating habit if sexualizing the ways in which women of colour are often discriminated against, race, gender and class, by presenting them as the hot abused poor baby mamas *rolls eyes*, or one night stands, never anything good etc. Instead I, have written and performed a song, from the perspective of a woman of colour about being in a sexual relationship within the socio-economic status and security of being a wife, the lyrics talk about saying “I do” and rings etc. (you don’t have to be some guys baby mama, why are we always shown as the baby mama and not the wife?) and not a victim in sexual activity but a willing, consensual, active and committed participant. (N.B. I am not and have never been married this is just in the fictional narrative of the song).

As mentioned earlier, this song is about the joys of marital sex, as experienced by two fictional newly-weds. It follows the metaphor, imagery and form of ‘Song of Songs’ which is also called Song of Solomon, my favourite book of the Bible, (talking about gardens, fragrant spices, greenery, little foxes, having sex outside, it’s all in Song of Songs lol). Song of Songs is actually about the love between a dark skinned woman and King Solomon.

Song of Solomon 1:5 [NLT]
I am dark but beautiful, O women of Jerusalem- dark as the tents of Kedar, dark as the curtains of Solomon’s tents.

It also represents a counter-cultural approach to romantic relationships between men and women, as it is in fact the woman who pursues the man. I tried to reflect this in arranging it for a female singer and making the tone of the lyrics, that of someone who is a pursuer and initiator of physical intimacy. I also show the woman as initiator as well as mutual consenting participant, instead of a passive participant or victim. The lead vocal (the woman/bride) vocalises decisions about her own sexual desires and needs. You can find the woman in Song of Songs doing the same thing. The theomusicology comes in the narrative of the lyrics which implies that now they’re married they can have sex when and wherever they want to lol (within reason), which is a Christian theological standpoint (I’m a Christian btw). So it implies restraint and commitment before coitus, not after.

I also decided to make it walking pace because I found that most songs about sex and women, especially sex with or about or by women of colour, have quite a strong beat and lyrically emphasise the fun of sex with chauvinistic, misogynoir lyrics that often contextualise the woman and the act within the erotic, encouraging male brains to switch to autopilot, focussing entirely on the physicality and pleasure of sex, not the love. My piece is a response to these negative things I found. It is slow(ish) to be meditative, slow down the heart rate and give the listener space to clear their minds and think. The listener should not get carried away by eroticism but instead wrapped up in the sweetness, sensuality, thoughtfulness and intentional nature of the act of marital sex. Looking forward to adding this to the the final portfolio! So this is a sonic, feminist, womanist critique of pop music about women and sex, using the lived experience of a woman of colour as an analytical tool for reflection. I am trying to promote the knowledge of women by uncovering the lost narratives of our experience, like a Foucauldian genealogy.

Well done for reading, here’s the track! It’s called “I Hope The Neighbours Don’t See”

This YouTube playlist contains the Original, the Orchestral version, PLUS YOU CAN WATCH ME PLAY THE ACOUSTIC VERSION! Play in the embedded player below or Follow this link to play:

You can also listen on SoundCloud. Follow this link to play or use the embedded player below:

The Middle 8/Bridge is inspired by a conversation I had with a middle aged man who told me that when he first got married as a young man, he gave his wife a Hickey on her neck and someone from his church saw it and told him, “now you’re married you can do that where it don’t show” hah! lol

Lots of love

Catherine x

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#wedding #makeup

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