The 5 kinds of guy I have encountered whilst #onlinedating… | #love #marriage #datingapps #vagina #lol |

FYI – I will let you know when the footage from my last gig becomes available. See these other blog posts for more info:
* This one–> I had another #gig last week, sorry I didn’t tell you! | #musician #freelance #singer #songwriter #acousticguitar |
* And this one–> Footage from last weeks #gig! |#singer #songwriter #freelance #musician #acousticguitar #soundcloud #newmusic #livemusic #london

Now to this weeks blog post!

Hey everyone,

Thought I would just give feedback on how my online dating is going.

Basically, it’s going terribly lol. The issue isn’t finding guys who are attracted to me, it’s finding guys who are attracted to me, that I too am attracted to, that also don’t just want sex… *sigh*.

For a start I’ve had to reeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaallllllyyyyyy lower my standards. Like, a lot lol. I also feel like everything online is far too driven by looks as opposed to personality. See my previous blog post on this issue (follow this link). Additionally, I don’t actually believe you can fall in love with someone online anyway I’ve made that quite clear in this blog post (follow this link), so I pretty much think that if they are talking to me because they just want sex.

Also, I seem to be not necessarily attracting guys my own age but older guys, literally, Caucasian men in their 30’s, between 30-37 seem to love me…? FYI (as of the 6th of Dec 2018) I am currently 28 years old. I don’t have any issues dating guys older then me. In fact, I welcome it. In fact, I don’t actually like dating guys my age, as a rule I go for older. Anyway, here’s the 5 kinds of guys I’ve encountered:

1.) The sexually deviant or just want a hookup (one night stand for the uninitiated)

I don’t think the majority are talking to me for my brain. I feel like when I am chatting away to whoever, they see me as some toy and just an innocent little girl that they hope to do shameful things to, below is an actual conversation I had:

Me: Hey! 🙂

Him: Ooo cute, free later 😉 ?

Me: Heh
So tell me a bit about yourself?

Him: Weeeeellll
I’m free later
And I live here, ## ### (hidden for the users protection)
Soooo
Yea
Pop round

I unmatched and blocked that user. I’m not stupid enough to go round his house for him to violate me repeatedly. It’s a shame, he was cute but didn’t seem like he would take no for an answer. He somehow thought I was stupid enough to actually go????

2.) The guys that don’t reply.

Now I know how all 1.5k+ guys (no I’m genuinely not exaggerating) who messaged/liked me feel when I don’t reply lol. It’s not nice when you like the person but they don’t reply or reciprocate but I don’t think it’s a good idea to talk to people who you are not interested in just to tell them you don’t like them, doesn’t seem nice to me either.

3.) The guys with off-the-grid sexual appetites :/

My mother said a while ago that I seem to attract men who want to be dominated. True to form one guy who liked me was specifically looking for a a woman who would dominate him. He wanted to be in something called a “cuckold relationship” and described himself as:

“a submissive male seeking a hot wife who is open minded and sexually independent and free.”

I don’t even know what that means and I don’t want to know lol…

There’s some sick people out there. I like MANLY men. I really fancy men who have beards as well, just a side note 🙂

4.) The guys that are trying to catfish you

They just don’t want to show you a picture of their face…

5.) The guys who are weird

Those complete and utter weirdos, who after talking to them, you think to yourself, no wonder you’re here!… Lol

What Catherine wants

As I said, the main issue isn’t finding guys who are attracted to me, it’s finding guys who are attracted to me that I too am attracted to, that don’t want just sex. I get that a man who is attracted to you is a man who wants to have sex with you. I get that. I also get that if the man that I am with doesn’t want to have sex with me then there’s a problem but come on guys. It just can’t be all about sex and looks. That’s so short-sighted, remember women age!

Here’s what I’m willing to settle for: A guy who wants sex but also likes me as a person and respects my values. How hard is that? Seriously? Below is a good video which talks about what I believe (play in the embedded player below or follow this link):

My Complaints Against Single Christian Guys

I want to date a Christian but soo many single Christian guys in their late 20’s onwards seem sooo wet and immature… I want a husband not a pet. Here’s a scenario that happened to me:

I went to a church that wasn’t mine. I had on a dress and pearls and a bunch of guys stood there talking about talking to me. They just stood there huddled up staring at me, my back was turned to them but I could hear them and see them from the side. Not a single one of those “boys” actually talked to me despite lengthy conversation about it. I did actually wait around a bit to give them a chance but eventually I just got hungry and left lol. My concern was that by the time one of those guys decided to grow up, get over their fear of women and actually talk to me I’d be so old that my eggs would have gone off in my ovaries.

I have actually told guys that I like them before I have been rejected as well but it doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger. If you like a girl/woman say something, she might just like you too.

I admit I have also had some very positive experiences of single Christian guys who just went for it and WELL DONE TO YOU GUYS. I REALLY APPRECIATED IT AND YOU TOTALLY HAVE MY RESPECT I SHOULD HAVE KISSED YOU.

I want an actual man who has the stones to do what needs to be done. Not someone the age of a man that acts like a boy allllll the time. I’ll put up with a certain amount of silliness for a laugh but you can’t be childish all the time, it’s not funny. I have observed other very childish things that single Christian guys in their late 20 some-thing plus have done/tend to do but I can’t even be bothered to document them right now. I’m just not impressed at all.

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I will never ever ever allow you to penetrate me everrrr with that attitude (obviously only within marriage). My vagina is reserved for winners, dude (again, obviously only after marriage). Grow up, buck up and stop being losers. I don’t want to be mean but some of you just won’t learn.

Also, more seriously, many of them are Christian by name only, they don’t read their Bible everyday, they don’t go to or participate/serve in a church regularly and they pick and choose which parts of the Bible they are going to follow, which usually includes the parts that suit them somehow.

Spiritual maturity goes hand in hand with ordinary maturity. Ordinary maturity tells you you have responsibilities and you need to be disciplined and make time for God. This in turn develops your spiritual maturity by spending scheduled time with God which develops your maturity about other things because then you become adept at hearing and recognising the Holy Spirit, who will in turn advise you on day to day matters of common sense and integrity. The ones that don’t have common sense or integrity tend to be the ones that lack spiritual maturity because they lack the discipline to bother to seek Godly wisdom in a timely and organised manner.

My ex was the love of my life but I was certainly not stupid enough to marry him (although we did pick out a ring for me and we went looking at furniture and argued in the John Lewis store about kettles, I wanted the pretty kettle and he wanted the one that would last…). I wanted to marry him I did and I was very sad when he broke up with me but most of that was wounded pride lol. I never regretted not marrying him he tried to ask me several times and I kept on saying “mmm I think we should wait” lol. Why did I dissuade him? I did that because he was a boy in the body of a grown man who I had to beg to read his bible every day, also he barely went to church before I bugged him to. Also, he was only ever nice to me and then again he wasn’t really all that nice to me either and he lacked common sense. I’m not sorry we’re not together any more lol. We started out as friends, it became something else, then it fizzled away and now I am free lol.

As I said I was sad at the time but the breakup was necessary for me to grow. I am much happier now! His foibles were down to a lack of spiritual maturity. His problems began and ended with his apathy towards his primary responsibility as a man, which was to his God and seeking wisdom from his God. Any idiot can get married (and many idiots do!) but a Godly person gets married to the right person at the right time.

*** In a separate matter not related to my ex**** I really feel like I need to say this just to make it really final. No offence but if you don’t read your Bible everyday, you don’t respond to your WhatApp’s not necessarily the same hour or even the same day (because you know people are busy and sometimes I admit I miss them as well, I just got a text and a WhatsApp today from someone who tried to get me yesterday but I just missed it) but if you can’t even reply the same month I send them and you still don’t know how to talk to or interact with the opposite sex in your late 20’s plus, I don’t want to know!

No offence but I really need say this. Boy… and I mean boy because that is how I perceive you, I am done with you. You are too late, I’m done. Take it away Jojo! (play in the embedded player below or follow this link):

I’ll be your friend, yes, but I am never ever ever ever going to let you get anywhere near my vagina! (again only within marriage because I am a Christian)…ever. I’m done with you. Move along.

*** Rant over ***

What Catherine Needs

I need the person I’m married to and sleeping with (only within marriage of course) to be someone I can respect! Whatever you believe in, do it with conviction. I’d rather passionately make-out with someone who doesn’t go to church with conviction, than marry someone who goes to church half-heartedly -_- even Jesus doesn’t like people who are lukewarm:

(Revelation 3:14-22 NLT) “[14] “Write this letter to the angel of the church in Laodicea. This is the message from the one who is the Amen–the faithful and true witness, the beginning of God’s new creation: [15] “I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! [16] But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth! [17] You say, ‘I am rich. I have everything I want. I don’t need a thing!’ And you don’t realize that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked. [18] So I advise you to buy gold from me–gold that has been purified by fire. Then you will be rich. Also buy white garments from me so you will not be shamed by your nakedness, and ointment for your eyes so you will be able to see. [19] I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference. [20] “Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends. [21] Those who are victorious will sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat with my Father on his throne. [22] “Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what he is saying to the churches.””

Conclusion

I’ve given the online dating thing a good try but it hasn’t worked how I would like. Anyway, so I’m trying to go to face-to-face singles events and even speed dating (which is better suited to the level of attention that I am willing to give to each match) and we’ll see how that goes… lol.

And remember guys! Grow up and read your Bible everyday or no vagina for you! (within marriage obviously).

Bye!

Catherine

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God Saves The Best For Last #Jesus #feminist #Christian #marriage

I’m so sorry I posted the wrong revision of this yesterday, please note I added extra parts at the bottom in the section talking about women basically noting that although women are made as a helper for the men, we aren’t just an afterthought designed to only service men. Women are equal to men and like every other created being, are for the glory of Jesus, created in the image of God and I noted that it would be heretical to assume otherwise, we just have other cool skills/functions men don’t have like e.g childbirth. I don’t subscribe to submission theology, I’m an egalitarian.

Hey Gals and Guys!,

Remember this song? Save The Best For Last by Vanessa Williams (follow this link or play it in the embedded player below)

The lyrics got me thinking, God saves the best for last, lets examine this!

 

FIRST LAST AND LAST FIRST

We already know that God promotes the people in last place all the time. David was the youngest son 1 Samuel 16:11-13, it says in the Bible that the first will be last and last first Matthew 20:16, also, if you want to be a leader you have to be a servant of all:

Matthew 20:25-28 [NLT]

“[25] But Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. [26] But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, [27] and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave. [28] For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.””

 

HUMANS – THE FIRST MAN

  • FIRST – Adam, imperfect son of God, here’s the genealogy from Jesus to Adam:

Luke 3:23-38 [NLT]

“[23] Jesus was about thirty years old when he began his public ministry. Jesus was known as the son of Joseph. Joseph was the son of Heli. [24] Heli was the son of Matthat. Matthat was the son of Levi. Levi was the son of Melki. Melki was the son of Jannai. Jannai was the son of Joseph. [25] Joseph was the son of Mattathias. Mattathias was the son of Amos. Amos was the son of Nahum. Nahum was the son of Esli. Esli was the son of Naggai. [26] Naggai was the son of Maath. Maath was the son of Mattathias. Mattathias was the son of Semein. Semein was the son of Josech. Josech was the son of Joda. [27] Joda was the son of Joanan. Joanan was the son of Rhesa. Rhesa was the son of Zerubbabel. Zerubbabel was the son of Shealtiel. Shealtiel was the son of Neri. [28] Neri was the son of Melki. Melki was the son of Addi. Addi was the son of Cosam. Cosam was the son of Elmadam. Elmadam was the son of Er. [29] Er was the son of Joshua. Joshua was the son of Eliezer. Eliezer was the son of Jorim. Jorim was the son of Matthat. Matthat was the son of Levi. [30] Levi was the son of Simeon. Simeon was the son of Judah. Judah was the son of Joseph. Joseph was the son of Jonam. Jonam was the son of Eliakim. [31] Eliakim was the son of Melea. Melea was the son of Menna. Menna was the son of Mattatha. Mattatha was the son of Nathan. Nathan was the son of David. [32] David was the son of Jesse. Jesse was the son of Obed. Obed was the son of Boaz. Boaz was the son of Salmon. Salmon was the son of Nahshon. [33] Nahshon was the son of Amminadab. Amminadab was the son of Admin. Admin was the son of Arni. Arni was the son of Hezron. Hezron was the son of Perez. Perez was the son of Judah. [34] Judah was the son of Jacob. Jacob was the son of Isaac. Isaac was the son of Abraham. Abraham was the son of Terah. Terah was the son of Nahor. [35] Nahor was the son of Serug. Serug was the son of Reu. Reu was the son of Peleg. Peleg was the son of Eber. Eber was the son of Shelah. [36] Shelah was the son of Cainan. Cainan was the son of Arphaxad. Arphaxad was the son of Shem. Shem was the son of Noah. Noah was the son of Lamech. [37] Lamech was the son of Methuselah. Methuselah was the son of Enoch. Enoch was the son of Jared. Jared was the son of Mahalalel. Mahalalel was the son of Kenan. [38] Kenan was the son of Enosh. Enosh was the son of Seth. Seth was the son of Adam. Adam was the son of God.”

 

  • Stood there whilst his wife was tricked into sinning and did nothing

Genesis 3:1-7 [NLT]

“[1] The serpent was the shrewdest of all the wild animals the LORD God had made. One day he asked the woman, “Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?” [2] “Of course we may eat fruit from the trees in the garden,” the woman replied. [3] “It’s only the fruit from the tree in the middle of the garden that we are not allowed to eat. God said, ‘You must not eat it or even touch it; if you do, you will die.'” [4] “You won’t die!” the serpent replied to the woman. [5] “God knows that your eyes will be opened as soon as you eat it, and you will be like God, knowing both good and evil.” [6] The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too. [7] At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves.”

 

  • Then proceeded to disobey an explicit command, this one act condemned everybody

Genesis 2:15-17 [NLT]

“[15] The LORD God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and watch over it. [16] But the LORD God warned him, “You may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden– [17] except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you eat its fruit, you are sure to die.””

 

  • Death and sin entered the world because of him

Romans 5:12-19 [NLT]

“[12] When Adam sinned, sin entered the world. Adam’s sin brought death, so death spread to everyone, for everyone sinned. [13] Yes, people sinned even before the law was given. But it was not counted as sin because there was not yet any law to break. [14] Still, everyone died–from the time of Adam to the time of Moses–even those who did not disobey an explicit commandment of God, as Adam did. Now Adam is a symbol, a representation of Christ, who was yet to come. [15] But there is a great difference between Adam’s sin and God’s gracious gift. For the sin of this one man, Adam, brought death to many. But even greater is God’s wonderful grace and his gift of forgiveness to many through this other man, Jesus Christ. [16] And the result of God’s gracious gift is very different from the result of that one man’s sin. For Adam’s sin led to condemnation, but God’s free gift leads to our being made right with God, even though we are guilty of many sins. [17] For the sin of this one man, Adam, caused death to rule over many. But even greater is God’s wonderful grace and his gift of righteousness, for all who receive it will live in triumph over sin and death through this one man, Jesus Christ. [18] Yes, Adam’s one sin brings condemnation for everyone, but Christ’s one act of righteousness brings a right relationship with God and new life for everyone. [19] Because one person disobeyed God, many became sinners. But because one other person obeyed God, many will be made righteous.”

 

  • SECOND – Jesus Christ was the Perfect Son of God, part of the Godhead, not created like Adam.

Matthew 3:16-17 [NLT]

“[16] After his baptism, as Jesus came up out of the water, the heavens were opened and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and settling on him. [17] And a voice from heaven said, “This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy.””

 

John 17:1-5, 20-23 [NLT]

“[1] After saying all these things, Jesus looked up to heaven and said, “Father, the hour has come. Glorify your Son so he can give glory back to you. [2] For you have given him authority over everyone. He gives eternal life to each one you have given him. [3] And this is the way to have eternal life–to know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, the one you sent to earth. [4] I brought glory to you here on earth by completing the work you gave me to do. [5] Now, Father, bring me into the glory we shared before the world began. … [20] “I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message. [21] I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one–as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me. [22] “I have given them the glory you gave me, so they may be one as we are one. [23] I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me.”

 

  • Jesus was also the second Adam, metaphorically/figuratively speaking

1 Corinthians 15:45 [NLT]

“[45] The Scriptures tell us, “The first man, Adam, became a living person.” But the last Adam–that is, Christ–is a life-giving Spirit.”

 

  • Jesus was perfect, didn’t stand by  whilst his “wife” (1 Cor 12:27, 2 Cor 11:2, Rev 21:9), the church, was being tricked instead He corrected the mistake, the true Son of God, Jesus’ one act of righteousness saved everyone from Adam’s one act of sin

Romans 5:18-19 [NLT]

“[18] Yes, Adam’s one sin brings condemnation for everyone, but Christ’s one act of righteousness brings a right relationship with God and new life for everyone. [19] Because one person disobeyed God, many became sinners. But because one other person obeyed God, many will be made righteous.”

 

  • Jesus was perfect, didn’t stand by  whilst his “wife”, the church, was being tricked instead He corrected the mistake,

Matthew 23:1-5 [NLT]

“[1] Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples, [2] “The teachers of religious law and the Pharisees are the official interpreters of the law of Moses. [3] So practice and obey whatever they tell you, but don’t follow their example. For they don’t practice what they teach. [4] They crush people with unbearable religious demands and never lift a finger to ease the burden. [5] “Everything they do is for show. On their arms they wear extra wide prayer boxes with Scripture verses inside, and they wear robes with extra long tassels.”

 

Mark 2:15-17 [NLT]

“[15] Later, Levi invited Jesus and his disciples to his home as dinner guests, along with many tax collectors and other disreputable sinners. (There were many people of this kind among Jesus’ followers.) [16] But when the teachers of religious law who were Pharisees saw him eating with tax collectors and other sinners, they asked his disciples, “Why does he eat with such scum?” [17] When Jesus heard this, he told them, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor–sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.””

 

Matthew 4:17 [NLT]

“[17] From then on Jesus began to preach, “Repent of your sins and turn to God, for the Kingdom of Heaven is near.””

 

Ephesians 5:25-30 [NLT]

“[25] For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her [26] to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. [27] He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. [28] In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. [29] No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. [30] And we are members of his body.”

 

Colossians 1:22 [NLT]

“[22] Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault.”

 

Revelation 21:3-8 [NLT]

“[3] I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. [4] He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” [5] And the one sitting on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new!” And then he said to me, “Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true.” [6] And he also said, “It is finished! I am the Alpha and the Omega–the Beginning and the End. To all who are thirsty I will give freely from the springs of the water of life. [7] All who are victorious will inherit all these blessings, and I will be their God, and they will be my children. [8] “But cowards, unbelievers, the corrupt, murderers, the immoral, those who practice witchcraft, idol worshipers, and all liars–their fate is in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.””

 

SALVATION

  • FIRST – The Law of Moses and the Aaronic priesthood came first, as a way to atone the Israelites to God – this was imperfect and could only temporarily atone IMPERFECT

Hebrews 7:18-26 [NLT]

“[18] Yes, the old requirement about the priesthood was set aside because it was weak and useless. [19] For the law never made anything perfect. But now we have confidence in a better hope, through which we draw near to God. [20] This new system was established with a solemn oath. Aaron’s descendants became priests without such an oath, [21] but there was an oath regarding Jesus. For God said to him, “The LORD has taken an oath and will not break his vow: ‘You are a priest forever.'” [22] Because of this oath, Jesus is the one who guarantees this better covenant with God. [23] There were many priests under the old system, for death prevented them from remaining in office. [24] But because Jesus lives forever, his priesthood lasts forever. [25] Therefore he is able, once and forever, to save those who come to God through him. He lives forever to intercede with God on their behalf. [26] He is the kind of high priest we need because he is holy and blameless, unstained by sin. He has been set apart from sinners and has been given the highest place of honor in heaven.”

 

 

  • SECOND – Salvation through faith alone – came second and this was a perfect way to atone not only the Israelites but the Gentiles (everybody who isn’t a Jew) to Christ. This was PERFECT

Hebrews 10:1-5, 10-12, 14, 18-20 [NLT]

“[1] The old system under the law of Moses was only a shadow, a dim preview of the good things to come, not the good things themselves. The sacrifices under that system were repeated again and again, year after year, but they were never able to provide perfect cleansing for those who came to worship. [2] If they could have provided perfect cleansing, the sacrifices would have stopped, for the worshipers would have been purified once for all time, and their feelings of guilt would have disappeared. [3] But instead, those sacrifices actually reminded them of their sins year after year. [4] For it is not possible for the blood of bulls and goats to take away sins. [5] That is why, when Christ came into the world, he said to God, “You did not want animal sacrifices or sin offerings. But you have given me a body to offer. … [10] For God’s will was for us to be made holy by the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ, once for all time. [11] Under the old covenant, the priest stands and ministers before the altar day after day, offering the same sacrifices again and again, which can never take away sins. [12] But our High Priest offered himself to God as a single sacrifice for sins, good for all time. Then he sat down in the place of honor at God’s right hand. … [14] For by that one offering he forever made perfect those who are being made holy. … [18] And when sins have been forgiven, there is no need to offer any more sacrifices. [19] And so, dear brothers and sisters, we can boldly enter heaven’s Most Holy Place because of the blood of Jesus. [20] By his death, Jesus opened a new and life-giving way through the curtain into the Most Holy Place.”

 

John 3:16-18 [NLT]

“[16] “For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. [17] God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him. [18] “There is no judgment against anyone who believes in him. But anyone who does not believe in him has already been judged for not believing in God’s one and only Son.”

 

 

EARTH

  • FIRST – The Earth we are on now is only “good”, as it says in Genesis, however, as any reasonable scientist will tell you it’s not going to last forever, the Sun will become a supernova one day and engulf the Earth. Also, global warming etc. Most importantly

[Genesis 1:31 NLT]

“[31] Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good! And evening passed and morning came, marking the sixth day.”

 

  • Humans don’t at present enjoy the close relationship we had in the Garden of Eden where Jesus would walk around with us face to face.

Genesis 3:8-9 [NLT]

“[8] When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the LORD God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the LORD God among the trees. [9] Then the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?””

 

  • SECOND – New Jerusalem, impressive, clean, powered by Jesus not electricity or the sun, only good people can live there so there is no crime, there’s the tree of life for healing as well as Jesus so there is no sickness either, people don’t have to pay for water so there is no poverty either.

Revelation 21:1-2, 5-6, 9-10, 22-27 [NLT]

“[1] Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared. And the sea was also gone. [2] And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven like a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. … [5] And the one sitting on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new!” And then he said to me, “Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true.” [6] And he also said, “It is finished! I am the Alpha and the Omega–the Beginning and the End. To all who are thirsty I will give freely from the springs of the water of life. … [9] Then one of the seven angels who held the seven bowls containing the seven last plagues came and said to me, “Come with me! I will show you the bride, the wife of the Lamb.” [10] So he took me in the Spirit to a great, high mountain, and he showed me the holy city, Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God. … [22] I saw no temple in the city, for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple. [23] And the city has no need of sun or moon, for the glory of God illuminates the city, and the Lamb is its light. [24] The nations will walk in its light, and the kings of the world will enter the city in all their glory. [25] Its gates will never be closed at the end of day because there is no night there. [26] And all the nations will bring their glory and honor into the city. [27] Nothing evil will be allowed to enter, nor anyone who practices shameful idolatry and dishonesty–but only those whose names are written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.”

 

Revelation 22:1-5 [NLT]

“[1] Then the angel showed me a river with the water of life, clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb. [2] It flowed down the center of the main street. On each side of the river grew a tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, with a fresh crop each month. The leaves were used for medicine to heal the nations. [3] No longer will there be a curse upon anything. For the throne of God and of the Lamb will be there, and his servants will worship him. [4] And they will see his face, and his name will be written on their foreheads. [5] And there will be no night there–no need for lamps or sun–for the Lord God will shine on them. And they will reign forever and ever.”

 

 

NEW WINE

  • FIRST – Old wine, representing the old ways in the scriptures

Luke 5:33-35 [NLT]

“[33] One day some people said to Jesus, “John the Baptist’s disciples fast and pray regularly, and so do the disciples of the Pharisees. Why are your disciples always eating and drinking?” [34] Jesus responded, “Do wedding guests fast while celebrating with the groom? Of course not. [35] But someday the groom will be taken away from them, and then they will fast.””

 

  • SECOND – New wine, representing salvation through faith in Jesus and not by works

Luke 5:36-39 [NLT]

“[36] Then Jesus gave them this illustration: “No one tears a piece of cloth from a new garment and uses it to patch an old garment. For then the new garment would be ruined, and the new patch wouldn’t even match the old garment. [37] “And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. For the new wine would burst the wineskins, spilling the wine and ruining the skins. [38] New wine must be stored in new wineskins. [39] But no one who drinks the old wine seems to want the new wine. ‘The old is just fine,’ they say.””

 

MORE WINE! DRINKS AT THE WEDDING AT CANA

  • FIRST – The wine that the hosts had provided was ok but ran out. Representing the old ways, imperfect nature of the old covenant and the finite nature of atonement under the old priestly system

John 2:1-3 [NLT]

“[1] The next day there was a wedding celebration in the village of Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, [2] and Jesus and his disciples were also invited to the celebration. [3] The wine supply ran out during the festivities, so Jesus’ mother told him, “They have no more wine.””

 

  • SECOND – The wine that Jesus made last, at the end of the party was the best!

John 2:4-11 [NLT]

“[4] “Dear woman, that’s not our problem,” Jesus replied. “My time has not yet come.” [5] But his mother told the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” [6] Standing nearby were six stone water jars, used for Jewish ceremonial washing. Each could hold twenty to thirty gallons. [7] Jesus told the servants, “Fill the jars with water.” When the jars had been filled, [8] he said, “Now dip some out, and take it to the master of ceremonies.” So the servants followed his instructions. [9] When the master of ceremonies tasted the water that was now wine, not knowing where it had come from (though, of course, the servants knew), he called the bridegroom over. [10] “A host always serves the best wine first,” he said. “Then, when everyone has had a lot to drink, he brings out the less expensive wine. But you have kept the best until now!” [11] This miraculous sign at Cana in Galilee was the first time Jesus revealed his glory. And his disciples believed in him.”

 

CREATION – BACK TO ADAM


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Genesis 2:7-8, 15-17 [NLT]

“[7] Then the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man’s nostrils, and the man became a living person. [8] Then the LORD God planted a garden in Eden in the east, and there he placed the man he had made. … [15] The LORD God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and watch over it. [16] But the LORD God warned him, “You may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden– [17] except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you eat its fruit, you are sure to die.””

Men are good at stuff, like opening cans! Hitting wood with hammers, killing spiders, I’m trying to think of things men can do that women can’t, umm, wee standing up?

According to the Telegraph newspaper men are better than women at the following things: Drinking, going bald, getting ready, going to the toilet standing up, shopping, making it to the end of the street without being ogled, ageing (read the article here)

Huffington Post says men are good at the following: Being on top saving our jowls being exposed lol, seeing a woman as prettier than she thinks she is, being patient when women shop, they love commitment, half-listening (this has happened to me so many times, I’m pretty sure none of my guy friends listen to 100% verbatim everything that I say lol they skim the important bits, I don’t like it when I can tell their not listening)

 

  • SECOND – Woman  – humanity would have died out ages ago if there weren’t any woman due to our reproductive capabilities, we have a better sense of smell, wider peripheral vision, we’re physically warmer (higher body temperature) than men, stronger connections in our brains between the sensory parts of our brains so we are more in touch with our feelings, 🙂

[Genesis 2:18-25 NLT]

“[18] Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” [19] So the LORD God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. [20] He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him. [21] So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the LORD God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. [22] Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. [23] “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.'” [24] This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. [25] Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.”

women-empowerment

The Metro says women are apparently better than men at the following: walking in heels, holding babies, comforting people when they cry, getting drinks bought for them, accessorising, shopping, giving advice, exercise, makeup, thanks Metro for that…

The Telegraph also says women are better at the following: Multi-tasking, Job interviews, driving, empathising, running successful businesses, coding, not being ill apparently men are more susceptible to illness due to their higher levels of testosterone.

Now look, all this aside the Bible says that women were created because Men cannot do life on their own, the word helper that is used here is ezer

Genesis 2:18-25 [NLT]

“[18] Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.””

It appears again in other places in the Bible like Psalms, it’s actually a word that is used to describe the help that God gives people,

[Psalm 54:4 NLT] [4] But God is my helper. The Lord keeps me alive!

It’s also used to describe the kind of help that happens in battle when one unit gives aid to another. In fact this verb shows up mostly in combat/battle situations. To quote one of my favourite theologians:

When God sees Adam all by himself, He concludes that he needs a helper, and creates Eve (Genesis 2:8). It does, however, show that Eve was not Adam’s secretary or maid, but rather an indispensable pillar. In any situation described in the Bible by this verb, without the helper, the person who needed the help would either die or fade away. So God “helps” the fatherless (Psalm 10:14), the ill (Psalm 28:7), those who suffer great spiritual discomfort (Psalm 54:4), and the poor (Psalm 72:12).” Read the article here

Although the two sexes are interdependent of each other:

1 Corinthians 11:11-12 [NLT]

“[11] But among the Lord’s people, women are not independent of men, and men are not independent of women. [12] For although the first woman came from man, every other man was born from a woman, and everything comes from God.”

Women are there because men need help, company, hugs and someone who will cancel “adult nap time” in order to sit and talk through problems.:

[1 Corinthians 11:9 NLT]

“[9] And man was not made for woman, but woman was made for man.”

Men with all their strength and good ideas need a partner in life, I must admit, I’ve seen a lot of single guys just in general in life, particularly in the church, who poor souls are whithering away, due to loneliness or just making stupid decisions because there is no woman in their life to tell them no! Lovely, lovely, people and they are soo desperately lonely and unhappy, would really benefit from a nice little wife just for someone to talk to lol. Also, people are built to be loved, so understandably there is a strong desire for physical, intimate union with someone. Don’t do it before marriage! Wait, everyone wants to be loved but wait. I sang about that here: (follow this link or listen in the embedded player below)

 

You can also listen to it on SoundCloud (follow this link or play it in the embedded player below)

Reminds me of what I was saying about being the last the other day (follow this link it’s well worth the read).

I want to make it clear, everyone is created to worship Jesus. Women are not created for the exclusive use of men. That’s not a biblical standpoint, it’s in fact, heretical and contradictory to what it clearly says in the Bible:

Revelation 4:11 [NLT]

“[11] “You are worthy, O Lord our God, to receive glory and honor and power. For you created all things, and they exist because you created what you pleased.””

 

Ephesians 2:10 [NLT]

“[10] For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”

 

1 Corinthians 8:6 [NLT]

“[6] But we know that there is only one God, the Father, who created everything, and we live for him. And there is only one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom God made everything and through whom we have been given life.”

Don’t misinterpret this blog post as saying women are there just for men, I’m not an advocate of submission theology, I’m an egalitarian. I’m not saying women are better than men because they were made second etc, please I don’t advocate that. It’s not biblical because Jesus said:

Matthew 23:8 [NLT]

“[8] “Don’t let anyone call you ‘Rabbi,’ for you have only one teacher, and all of you are equal as brothers and sisters.”

 

What I am doing is retrieving lost narratives about women and their usefulness, the prominence of God using the second and the underdog for great things and how it relates to our God ordained function. Women are made in the image of God too:

[Genesis 1:26-28 NLT]

“[26] Then God said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.” [27] So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. [28] Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.””

We actually reflect God’s creative and reproductive power, due to our reproductive capabilities.

James 1:16-18 [NLT]

“[16] So don’t be misled, my dear brothers and sisters. [17] Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. [18] He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession.”

Twice the word and spiritual instruction is described as mothers milk, only women and female animals (to my knowledge) can lactate, this shows how God nourishes us. God is speaking to us about Himself through women’s bodies:

1 Peter 2:2-3 [NLT]

“[2] Like newborn babies, you must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment, [3] now that you have had a taste of the Lord’s kindness.”

 

1 Corinthians 3:2 [NLT]

“[2] I had to feed you with milk, not with solid food, because you weren’t ready for anything stronger. And you still aren’t ready,”

Our emphasis on feelings and the ethereal/intangible nature of feelings reminds me of the work of the Holy Spirit who is like breath, I remember that somewhere in the Bible, in the Hebrew the translation is something like wind or breath, not tangible. I’ll revisit this and post it when I find it but I’m really hungry right now lol.

The unity that men and women experience, during sexual union also reflects the oneness of God spoken about in John 17.

Us helping men, helps to reflect God on earth. (obviously you help other women as well, Jesus said love your neighbour Matthew 22:39, so that’s obvious). As I said earlier, the word helper that is used for women the same Hebrew word is also used for the help that God gives humanity. Everything about a perfected and holy friendship/marriage/kinship between a man and a woman reflects God, His kingdom and purpose and the way that God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit work together like a family and a team. We are supposed to be like God:

James 1:16-18 [NLT]

“[16] So don’t be misled, my dear brothers and sisters. [17] Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. [18] He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession.”

 

It’s like Jesus says if you want to be first you have to be last and a servant of everyone. Quite often we are last, whether it’s in pay, people listening to our views, enjoying sex! or even just having a night off from cooking! We do tend to be servants, literally! Domestic workers are mainly women! Our lives are full of a lot of pain, periods etc, sex can hurt the first time. Something that bothers me, thinking about getting married (once I meet my future husband lol). The first time, oh my goodness, I worry a lot that it’s going to hurt, it bothers me. It really does lol (Read about what I said about women’s physical pain and why we persevere here).

Again, I’m not saying women are better than men, I’m just pointing out how much men need women and how undervalued we are and how dangerous it is to oppress us because that disables us from being able to perform our function which is to help. When a woman is educated and fulfilled she is in the best possible position to help. Sometimes that help comes in the form of being a stay at home mother and sometimes that help comes in the form of being a CEO of a company or the Prime Minister or the President. Knowing what God created us to do it’s up to the men to decide whether or not they take it but they reject and oppress us knowing fully well that it’s not in their interest, according to the scriptures above. Who leaves their armour at home or tells discourages natural nurturer it not to talk up in a board meeting? We are created to help humanity survive, we want to help companies make decisions that will make them better and more money so we can have money to feed our children…

Women might be smaller and yes we might have been created second but we are not second class or second best! God will use us because we are second and oppressed. Watch this space, what comes second is usually the thing that God does something powerful with and we are equipped with the sense and nature to do something incredible! We give birth to the men, we teach them as they grow and when they become adults, we love them 🙂 Everybody needs that, the physical and emotional nurturing that comes from things like breastfeeding is so key in growing a person into a stable fully functioning adult. A stable fully functioning adult is able to spread the Gospel and worship Jesus! We are soo useful and necessary!

Hope that educated you!

Catherine

ANNOUNCEMENT: Ride The Fader Productions

Hey everybody,

Did you know that I provide UK based music production, composition, peripatetic music tuition (alto sax, flute, clarinet, lever harp), performing, songwriting and worship leader services on a freelance basis?

Did you know that I trade under Catherine Waithe-Arnold and also under Ride The Fader Productions?

I am now consolidating all of my trading under Ride The Fader Productions, please take a look at my website! or drop me an email at catherine@ridethefaderproductions.com

www.ridethefaderproductions.com

 

Then Connect with Ride The Fader Productions on social media!

Facebook – @ridethefaderproductions www.facebook.com/ridethefaderproductions

Twitter – @ridethefader www.twitter.com/ridethefader

Instagram – @ridethefaderproductions – www.instagram.com/ridethefaderproductions

LinkedIn – Ride The Fader Productions www.linkedin.com/company/ridethefaderproductions

 

Thank you for your time!,

Catherine Waithe-Arnold BA (Hons), MMus
CEO @ Ride The Fader Productions

View this post on Instagram

Homeward bound!

A post shared by Catherine Waithe-Arnold (@catherinewaithe.arnoldmusic) on

CONTACT ME 

Good afternoon!

Did you know I have a Contact Me page? (Follow this link to my Contact Me page) No? Well… I have a Contact Me page lol (Follow this link to my Contact Me page).

I created it in the event that if you are interested in anything you see on this site you, you have any questions/comments or you wish to hire me (for music tuition, composing/arranging/producing, harping) you can contact me!

No need to be scared, I’ve dropped the form I had and put my email address there instead.

Check it out! (Follow this link to my Contact Me page)

 

We can also connect through social media:

SoundCloud – Catherine Waithe-Arnold www.soundcloud.com/waithey

Facebook – Catherine Waithe-Arnold Music www.facebook.com/catherinewaithearnoldmusic

LinkedIn – Catherine Waithe-Arnold  www.linkedin.com/in/catherinewaithe-arnold

YouTube – Catherine Waithe-Arnold www.youtube.com/CatherineWAmusic

Twitter – @CatherineW_A https://twitter.com/CatherineW_A

Instagram – @catherinewaithe.arnoldmusic https://www.instagram.com/catherinewaithe.arnoldmusic/

 

Catherine

FOOTAGE FROM MY #GIG #freelance #musician #singer #songwriter #composer #instrumentalpop

Hello everybody!

Remember I had a gig last Friday? (follow this link for more info) well I filmed it and I thought that I would share the footage with you guys!

I really went for it!

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Enjoy! (follow this link to my YouTube channel or play it in the embedded player below)

You can also listen to the audio on SoundCloud (follow this link or use the embedded player below)

Catherine x

Can you fall in #love with someone #online? #onlinedating #communication #internet #relationships

Hey everybody,

I have been philosophizing about communication and the recent popularity of online dating and people forming relationships on social media with people they don’t know. One day I just sat and thought it out and made a few notes, below are my conclusions.

 

A bit about me

I prefer face-to-face interaction; I speak the love language of Quality Time (click here for more info). I am a visual person, this is typically an attribute of men but women can be visual as well! This means that the most effective way for me to assimilate and or comprehend information is through visual means, eg. film, picture, graph, graphic, cartoon or just observing actual real life. This also means that a visual phenomenon catches my eye quicker than a written phenomenon. Now for me, when it comes to communication it’s the same. I find that the best way I can understand a person is by literally talking to them face to face, IN PERSON! What I see adds together with what I feel and what the person has written to me, to create an overall vibe for the person. This is why I don’t encourage people to form romantic relationships with people they meet online.

 

Quick tour of online relationships

Online, instant messaging and text relationships typically involve communicating through written means and pictures. One does not traditionally tend to communicate with strangers via skype as your phone number and email address is visible to the people you add. See the TV show Catfish: The TV Show (click here for more information)  for more details. The problem with online dating and forming relationships with people online is that when we read words we are missing out on a good two thirds of communication which is comprised entirely of non-verbal elements such as culture and body language. Moreover, an online message or a text is “rehearsed conversation” as opposed to “reactive conversation”, which is more organic and healthy. What do I mean by “rehearsed conversation”? Simply put, you can draft and re-draft a text or whatever and read it through and meditate on how it might make you sound, therefore, you eventually send the text that sends an idealised reflection and version of you and how you want to be heard, not really allowing people to love you for your imperfections, Freudian slips (click here for more information) and other mistakes. It’s easy for meaning to get lost in translation even with face-to-face interaction, how much more can online or written communication of any kind incur miscommunication? A simplified communication cycle can show how even through face-to-face interaction miscommunication can occur.

 

Communication cycle

Communicating through text alone (I don’t mean texts from ones mobile phone I mean through written word, whether that be a text message, email, instant message, facebook, twitter, etc.) is an insufficient way to communicate; it’s insufficient even in face-to-face conversation because sometimes what you are saying is not what the receiver is inferring. Lets look at a basic communication cycle:

  • Communicator speaks words
  • Listener hears words
  • Listener superimposes meaning onto words based on their age and culture
  • Listener responds based on what they think the communicator has said
  • Communicator hears response
  • Communicator superimposes meaning onto response based on their age and culture
  • Communicator responds based on what they think the responder has said

As we can see from the above cycle there are roughly four dialogues:

  • The dialogue of what the communicator has said
  • The dialogue of what the communicator thinks they have said
  • The dialogue of what the receiver has heard
  • And the dialogue of what the receiver thinks they have heard

We need to remember that words carry no inherent meaning. Language is merely a series of sounds, symbols and jibber jabber. The only thing that makes language functional is us. We ascribe meaning and emotions to words based on our experiences. This theory is called Deconstruction, by Derrida (click here for more information).

Now, because each human is unique and the experience of each human is unique, we each bring our own unique emotional baggage to every single discourse we have. The uniqueness of each human means that I can say things that mean something to me but might mean absolutely nothing or something else to another person. When someone, who is not me, reads what I have written, despite my best efforts to be plain, they will always superimpose their own meaning onto my words. This simultaneous occurrence of stimulus and inference is called Gestural Interconversion, see Philip Tagg (click here for more information). Effectively, we each speak and understand a slightly different version of the same language. Within the English language there is Catherine English and there is my friends English and there is Your English and so on. Even more shocking is the fact that the more we humans lie to each other, the less meaning words have. Getting us to the place where one can’t really take anyone’s word for anything, especially politicians, remember, “read my lips no new taxes”? That’s why we need to be able to see people squirm and look up and down whilst they lie, you can’t do that when you are not speaking face-to-face.
Face-to-face interaction

What I like about face-to-face interaction with people is that you get to see a lot of emotional leakage, as face-to-face interaction with someone you don’t know is “reactive” as opposed to “rehearsed”. What do I mean by “reactive”? Well one cannot really plan extensively for conversation on a date or any kind of face-to-face meeting with someone you don’t know. This means that every second of conversation with that person is based on a series of reactions to their reactions. The mark of a man is how he behaves under pressure and when he is taken off guard.

I personally think that it’s better to form relationships with people face-to-face. Personally, I find it easier to judge a persons intentions taking into account their whole person, not just what they write but observing what they do and say and how they do and say it. Women especially have to be careful because we typically are physically weaker than men and men can be such scoundrels, even the nice Christian ones want sex too so try not to get your Christian boyfriend too worked up because you can’t have sex with him till you’re married and it’s not helpful. I remarked to a male Christian colleague of mine that the only difference between Christian guys and non-Christian guys is thus, both want to have sex with you in the back of their car but you expect the Christian guy to have the decency to marry you first…. He agreed lol.

 

Pre-conversation conversation

Another reason why I prefer face-to-face communication is that when communication is just through words we miss out on the important “pre-conversation conversation” which begins before you are even at arms length of each other. Let me explain, we are communicating all the time, as soon as you walk into a room you are communicating. Very simple things about a guy’s demeanour can tell you a lot about him before you have even spoken. If you have an opportunity to meet with him informally with other people or you get to your date venue before him or when you arrive you are able to see him before he see’s you look out for the following because if he thinks you’re not watching him he will behave how he really is.

So to judge the character of a man that you want to date one must yes look at what he writes on social media, text etc but one must also take the time to scrutinize the following seemingly trivial and unimportant physical phenomena that are integral parts of his personality such as:

  • His body language
  • His dress
  • How he interacts with the public
  • How he interacts with his friends and family
  • His gesticulations
  • His eyes
  • Does he respect your personal space?
  • Tactility
  • What is the first thing he does when he walks into the room?
  • When he finally see’s you what does his face and body language suggest?

All of these categories will tell you something about him, something that you will miss out on if all of your interaction with this man happens online through words. There is a whole rich other language that is non-verbal that happens even before you have started talking to each other face-to-face that we miss when we only use words. Let’s give some detail to the list above to see why we need to look out for these things.

  • His body language: Does the guy walk into the room with his shoulders slumped or with his back straight? What do you think that says about him? This speaks volumes about one’s self-confidence. Do not take this as a criticism, if his back is slumped he maybe is shy and just needs some love but be aware that he does.
  • His dress: What is the guy wearing? Is he unkempt? Is he unkempt in a cool way? Is he dressed in a way that can lead to gender ambiguity? He might be gay and not know it, that’s possible. Moreover, there is dressing like an individual and then there is dressing in a way that shows either a blatant disregard for ones audience or a lack of awareness of ones audience, both are undesirable. Go easy when judging someone based on his or her clothes because not everyone has money to dress up. As a general rule of thumb I would judge the situation like this: If you are going to the Ritz and he has the means to wear a suit but he just refuses for no good reason, that’s when you have a problem.
  • How he interacts with the public: Does he brush past people rudely, or does he say “excuse me”? If he’s rude to the public, he will be rude to you in private.
  • How he interacts with his friends and family: Is he nice to them? If he’s nice to his female friends and female family members he might be nice to you, that’s not a given. However, the way a man behaves towards his mother will tell you something about his views towards women and how he might treat you, the potential mother of his children and his daughters.
  • His gesticulations: are they broad or small, aggressive or non-threatening? When he talks to you are his hands and body parts doing things that make you feel unsafe? If he’s doing that in public what will he do in private? Think.
  • His eyes: Are his pupils dilated? That’s a sign that a man is attracted to you. Where is he looking? Is he looking at your breasts whilst you’re trying to sign for a package that he has delivered to your door? (this actually happened to me)
  • Does he respect your personal space? Does he observe a polite distance (polite distance as dictated by his culture not yours, as cultures differ, what’s important is that he behaves in a way that he knows is within the bounds of propriety as he understands it. You cannot blame him if he does not know propriety according to your culture because he is not familiar with it. British culture suggests a good distance, arms length to be precise, whereas on the Continent (the continent of Europe as opposed to the island of the UK), or Asia, that distance is much smaller. When I went to Sri Lanka people stood really close to me, even touching me at one point but I realised that that was their culture and they were not being rude.)
  • Tactility: is he always trying to touch you outside of a normal (normal as dictated by his culture) level of physical contact that goes on between two people who are not intimately close? Does he give you more than a hug? Does the hug last for longer than you wanted it to?
  • What is the first thing he does when he walks into the room: is he eyeing up ALL the ladies in a really obvious way? Behaviour like this raises questions about his fidelity…
  • When he finally see’s you, what does his face and body language suggest? Does he look at you like you’re a lady or like you’re a piece of meat? (Obviously this is dependent upon you dressing and behaving like a lady)

 

Common Language

So how does anyone ever understand anyone? Well, as I said previously, communication involves a number of non-verbal elements, it’s combining these elements with words that helps two individuals to form a “common language”. This “common language” exists! Think about it, have you ever noticed that you speak one way with your family, another way with your friends, another way with your colleagues and another way with strangers? This is because there are different levels of relationship and experiences. Even within my family I will use different terms and sentence structures with different people, some family members even communicate with me using a mixture of English and French! But that is our “common language” and if it needs to be a combination of different languages, to facilitate understanding, then so be it.

Non-verbal elements that add to a “common language” include things like a smile. When it comes to people who I don’t know very well, like say a guy I’m meeting on a first date, I may not understand what the person is saying but I can recognise a smile or a frown, representing the base elements of what they are trying to communicate. For example, if a guy says to me at the end of a meal “lets have dessert” and smiles whilst doing that. If I didn’t know what dessert was I would assume that it was a good thing and enquire further, with an understanding that this might be something that I want because people smile when they are happy, that is a natural human reflex. I like dessert by the way… Just saying, if one ever takes me out on a date… Obviously people can change their non-verbal behaviour to trick you, that’s a given, so ladies beware.

Conversation can become awkward when you are unable to find a “common language”. However, the good thing is that for those who do find a “common language” by going through the interplay of communication, response and the continuous adjustment of words and phraseology in order to ease understanding between two people because they usually end up more bonded. Even more so than people who talk online all the time because people do not have the time to redraft their conversation, so you are more likely to get the raw “real version” of a person and their oral mistakes say just as much as their written accomplishments and it is the “real version” of a person that you need to be in love with in order for your relationship to work.

The interplay of communication, response and the continuous adjustment of words and phraseology in order to ease understanding between two people also has other benefits. It also exposes your compatibility, for better or for worse or how awkward both of you are lol. This is partly due to the nature of men. Men want an easy life. If he is trying very hard to form a “common language” with you in order to get you to understand him, it shows he is interested in what you think and feel and how you think and feel about him. Men want to feel appreciated and to be appreciated they need to be understood. Think about it? Let’s reverse this; if I don’t like a person I won’t be communicating much with them, I won’t bother to create a “common language” with them unless I have to because I don’t care. Rendering what they think about me a non-entity. Furthermore, whether they appreciate me or not doesn’t even register as a thing to be bothered about. I do care if my loved ones appreciate me or not, however.

This brings us to the crux of the matter, can you fall in love with someone over the internet by just seeing their picture and reading their words? I’m going to say no. Not real love. Longing, infatuation and fantasy, yes, remember, it’s not necessary for men to have a real relationship with a woman to enjoy her. We have got to look at what he does as well as what he says, do you have a “common language”? There is a difference between love and longing. Longing does involve love but regrettably longing is the kind of love that develops because the physical desires are barred from achieving self actualisation (click here for more information) and are not fully realised or satisfied and the communication cycle has messed up again, there is no “pre-conversation conversation”, sentences are always a form of “rehearsed conversation” and you do not have a “common language” rapport that you would have if you knew each other face-to-face.

Do you know me? The real me? Have you touched me or experienced what it is like to be in my presence? No? Then you can’t love me because you don’t even know who “me” is. However, you can be in love with what I have allowed you to see of me. I’ll say that’s fair. If you want to see pure unadulterated Catherine #nofilter lol you really need to see me first thing in the morning, literally when I have just woken up but not got out of bed yet, when I have the least energy to suffer fools. It’ll put hairs on your chest son… 

Men, are you in love with her or are you in love with the idea of her? Are you saying “I’m in love with you” when you really mean what Ed Sheeran said, in his rather candid pop song, “I’m in love with the shape of you, I’m in love with your body…”. Click this link or play the song in the embedded player below to understand what I’m saying from the song.

 

Love Catherine Waithe-Arnold x