Goodbye *waves* | #friendship #love #happiness #Jesus |

An open letter to my friend

For my friend…

Hey everybody!

So it is with great sadness that I send this post. The older I get the more and more it has come to my attention that I have people and things in my life that I just don’t need because they are not contributing anything, they don’t even make me happy and they are just wasting space for people and things that could make me happy.

So I have taken a very long and very hard think and have decided that there are just some people in my life that I just don’t need any more. There are certain people in my life where I just feel like our relationship has just stagnated and has been for many years.

Have you ever known anyone where you’ve known them for years but you still feel just as awkward with them as you did nearly 20 years ago? Or you feel like your relationship with that person has never improved, grown or developed in any way? You feel like you have not grown as people together? They seem to be embarrassed by you in front of their friends? They don’t want their friends on facebook to know you know each other so they hide your posts? Or they ask you to delete them? You have no shared goals or values? You try and contact them and they hardly ever or never reply but when it’s some kind of activity that they are organising or they want you to go to for whatever reason they are always full of chat? They are happy when you are their secret and annoyed when other people want to drive you home and they tell them not to, to isolate you so that only they can drive you home? and when your life moves on they seem to be unhappy about it? I’m not even talking about romantic relationships, I’m just talking about ordinary friendships.

I like my friendships to grow, develop and move forward, circumstances permitting. When I say circumstances permitting I mean obviously when my friends get married or move or whatever, our friendship then takes on a new dimension, as they have children etc, you can’t be out all night with them all the time then etc. However, if circumstances permit a stronger bond with deeper dimensions, (again I’m not talking about romantic relationships I’m talking about just being decent friends) and this is not being exploited or properly utilised then there’s a problem and you’re not friends.

Time and time again guys fail to understand this. You want a girlfriend but you are not nice in a consistent way to all of the women around you. Women talk, so they will be spreading news of your bad behaviour to all the ladies you want to date. Additionally, how do you expect to wholeheartedly love someone when you don’t have the capacity to wholeheartedly love? You should be able to show love to anybody, I’m not talking about romantic love I’m talking about the kind of love that friendship should be. I admit I am talking to myself here as well, we all struggle to be nice. I absolutely despise guys who are only kind to women they are romantically interested in. I have no time for such people.

Obviously I know there are degrees of friendship and not all friendships are close but some are distant when they should be close and the emotional distance is as a result of dysfunction, that’s the kind of friendship I am talking about here.

The Ancient Greeks were much more adept at explaining the various degrees or kinds of relationships and the different kinds of “love” that you encounter within them, they had several words for love:

Éros (ἔρως érōs) love, mostly of the sexual passion
Storge (στοργή storgē) tenderness, love, affection, especially of parents and children
Philia (φιλία philía) affectionate regard, friendship, usually between equals
Agápe (ἀγάπη agápē) love: esp. charity; the love of God for man and of man for God

Being nice isn’t a declaration of érōs (sexual passion) but without storgē (tenderness) how do yo expect to even get to érōs? Don’t you know if agápē (charity, the kind of love that exists despite changing circumstances) is not fully developed in your life there can be no philía (friendship) and without philía there will never be any érōs (well not with me anyway… Especially not before marriage as I am a Christian)? I’m not asking for sex no offence, I’m just asking for kindness lol.

What can I say, I like friendships to have as much depth as they ought to, no more and no less. That’s not to say that I would push a friendship more than it should go. You get a feel for certain people that makes you think “ok this is a distant friend” or “ok we can be closer”. However, what really grinds my gears is when you have someone wanting you close only when it’s convenient for them and you’re doing all the friending…

When I am in a friendship with someone, I want to be more to you and you be more to me as time goes on. I’m not talking in a romantic way, I’m just saying that any kind of relationship whether it’s a friendship, a business relationship, a family relationship or a romantic relationship needs to grow positively somehow in order for it to succeed and be useful in any way. You need to be adding something positive to each others lives as often as possible. You need to be fulfilling some kind of need for each other, even if it’s the need for an occasional laugh or some light conversation. We need to grow together, have shared experiences and somehow lift each other up. There also needs to be emotional connectedness and emotional investment, not always emotional strain. I need to know that I can rely on you and you need to know that you can rely on me. All these things need to be done to whatever degree the kind of relationship permits (due to distance, culture, etc). Again, I’m not even talking about romantic relationships I’m just talking about ordinary friendships.

I don’t like or enjoy time wasters. Anything outside of what I just mentioned is pointless, if your “friendship” does not display any of the virtues like I just mentioned above (obviously distance permitting etc.), in my eyes, you’re colleagues or peers, not friends. If you aren’t growing together somehow in a meaningful way (as I said, to the levels that the friendship will permit) or you’re the same place you were 20 years ago and that place is not a good place (in some instances, being in the same place for 2 decades can be a positive thing) but when it’s a stagnant place, it might be time to call it a day at one point. That point is now. We are stagnant, the friendship is one sided and I’m taking out the trash.

Goodbye.

Now I understand how Jesus feels about us sometimes.

Catherine x

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#wedding #lols #party

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The 5 kinds of guy I have encountered whilst #onlinedating… | #love #marriage #datingapps #vagina #lol |

FYI – I will let you know when the footage from my last gig becomes available. See these other blog posts for more info:
* This one–> I had another #gig last week, sorry I didn’t tell you! | #musician #freelance #singer #songwriter #acousticguitar |
* And this one–> Footage from last weeks #gig! |#singer #songwriter #freelance #musician #acousticguitar #soundcloud #newmusic #livemusic #london

Now to this weeks blog post!

Hey everyone,

Thought I would just give feedback on how my online dating is going.

Basically, it’s going terribly lol. The issue isn’t finding guys who are attracted to me, it’s finding guys who are attracted to me, that I too am attracted to, that also don’t just want sex… *sigh*.

For a start I’ve had to reeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaallllllyyyyyy lower my standards. Like, a lot lol. I also feel like everything online is far too driven by looks as opposed to personality. See my previous blog post on this issue (follow this link). Additionally, I don’t actually believe you can fall in love with someone online anyway I’ve made that quite clear in this blog post (follow this link), so I pretty much think that if they are talking to me because they just want sex.

Also, I seem to be not necessarily attracting guys my own age but older guys, literally, Caucasian men in their 30’s, between 30-37 seem to love me…? FYI (as of the 6th of Dec 2018) I am currently 28 years old. I don’t have any issues dating guys older then me. In fact, I welcome it. In fact, I don’t actually like dating guys my age, as a rule I go for older. Anyway, here’s the 5 kinds of guys I’ve encountered:

1.) The sexually deviant or just want a hookup (one night stand for the uninitiated)

I don’t think the majority are talking to me for my brain. I feel like when I am chatting away to whoever, they see me as some toy and just an innocent little girl that they hope to do shameful things to, below is an actual conversation I had:

Me: Hey! 🙂

Him: Ooo cute, free later 😉 ?

Me: Heh
So tell me a bit about yourself?

Him: Weeeeellll
I’m free later
And I live here, ## ### (hidden for the users protection)
Soooo
Yea
Pop round

I unmatched and blocked that user. I’m not stupid enough to go round his house for him to violate me repeatedly. It’s a shame, he was cute but didn’t seem like he would take no for an answer. He somehow thought I was stupid enough to actually go????

2.) The guys that don’t reply.

Now I know how all 1.5k+ guys (no I’m genuinely not exaggerating) who messaged/liked me feel when I don’t reply lol. It’s not nice when you like the person but they don’t reply or reciprocate but I don’t think it’s a good idea to talk to people who you are not interested in just to tell them you don’t like them, doesn’t seem nice to me either.

3.) The guys with off-the-grid sexual appetites :/

My mother said a while ago that I seem to attract men who want to be dominated. True to form one guy who liked me was specifically looking for a a woman who would dominate him. He wanted to be in something called a “cuckold relationship” and described himself as:

“a submissive male seeking a hot wife who is open minded and sexually independent and free.”

I don’t even know what that means and I don’t want to know lol…

There’s some sick people out there. I like MANLY men. I really fancy men who have beards as well, just a side note 🙂

4.) The guys that are trying to catfish you

They just don’t want to show you a picture of their face…

5.) The guys who are weird

Those complete and utter weirdos, who after talking to them, you think to yourself, no wonder you’re here!… Lol

What Catherine wants

As I said, the main issue isn’t finding guys who are attracted to me, it’s finding guys who are attracted to me that I too am attracted to, that don’t want just sex. I get that a man who is attracted to you is a man who wants to have sex with you. I get that. I also get that if the man that I am with doesn’t want to have sex with me then there’s a problem but come on guys. It just can’t be all about sex and looks. That’s so short-sighted, remember women age!

Here’s what I’m willing to settle for: A guy who wants sex but also likes me as a person and respects my values. How hard is that? Seriously? Below is a good video which talks about what I believe (play in the embedded player below or follow this link):

My Complaints Against Single Christian Guys

I want to date a Christian but soo many single Christian guys in their late 20’s onwards seem sooo wet and immature… I want a husband not a pet. Here’s a scenario that happened to me:

I went to a church that wasn’t mine. I had on a dress and pearls and a bunch of guys stood there talking about talking to me. They just stood there huddled up staring at me, my back was turned to them but I could hear them and see them from the side. Not a single one of those “boys” actually talked to me despite lengthy conversation about it. I did actually wait around a bit to give them a chance but eventually I just got hungry and left lol. My concern was that by the time one of those guys decided to grow up, get over their fear of women and actually talk to me I’d be so old that my eggs would have gone off in my ovaries.

I have actually told guys that I like them before I have been rejected as well but it doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger. If you like a girl/woman say something, she might just like you too.

I admit I have also had some very positive experiences of single Christian guys who just went for it and WELL DONE TO YOU GUYS. I REALLY APPRECIATED IT AND YOU TOTALLY HAVE MY RESPECT I SHOULD HAVE KISSED YOU.

I want an actual man who has the stones to do what needs to be done. Not someone the age of a man that acts like a boy allllll the time. I’ll put up with a certain amount of silliness for a laugh but you can’t be childish all the time, it’s not funny. I have observed other very childish things that single Christian guys in their late 20 some-thing plus have done/tend to do but I can’t even be bothered to document them right now. I’m just not impressed at all.

th

I will never ever ever allow you to penetrate me everrrr with that attitude (obviously only within marriage). My vagina is reserved for winners, dude (again, obviously only after marriage). Grow up, buck up and stop being losers. I don’t want to be mean but some of you just won’t learn.

Also, more seriously, many of them are Christian by name only, they don’t read their Bible everyday, they don’t go to or participate/serve in a church regularly and they pick and choose which parts of the Bible they are going to follow, which usually includes the parts that suit them somehow.

Spiritual maturity goes hand in hand with ordinary maturity. Ordinary maturity tells you you have responsibilities and you need to be disciplined and make time for God. This in turn develops your spiritual maturity by spending scheduled time with God which develops your maturity about other things because then you become adept at hearing and recognising the Holy Spirit, who will in turn advise you on day to day matters of common sense and integrity. The ones that don’t have common sense or integrity tend to be the ones that lack spiritual maturity because they lack the discipline to bother to seek Godly wisdom in a timely and organised manner.

My ex was the love of my life but I was certainly not stupid enough to marry him (although we did pick out a ring for me and we went looking at furniture and argued in the John Lewis store about kettles, I wanted the pretty kettle and he wanted the one that would last…). I wanted to marry him I did and I was very sad when he broke up with me but most of that was wounded pride lol. I never regretted not marrying him he tried to ask me several times and I kept on saying “mmm I think we should wait” lol. Why did I dissuade him? I did that because he was a boy in the body of a grown man who I had to beg to read his bible every day, also he barely went to church before I bugged him to. Also, he was only ever nice to me and then again he wasn’t really all that nice to me either and he lacked common sense. I’m not sorry we’re not together any more lol. We started out as friends, it became something else, then it fizzled away and now I am free lol.

As I said I was sad at the time but the breakup was necessary for me to grow. I am much happier now! His foibles were down to a lack of spiritual maturity. His problems began and ended with his apathy towards his primary responsibility as a man, which was to his God and seeking wisdom from his God. Any idiot can get married (and many idiots do!) but a Godly person gets married to the right person at the right time.

*** In a separate matter not related to my ex**** I really feel like I need to say this just to make it really final. No offence but if you don’t read your Bible everyday, you don’t respond to your WhatApp’s not necessarily the same hour or even the same day (because you know people are busy and sometimes I admit I miss them as well, I just got a text and a WhatsApp today from someone who tried to get me yesterday but I just missed it) but if you can’t even reply the same month I send them and you still don’t know how to talk to or interact with the opposite sex in your late 20’s plus, I don’t want to know!

No offence but I really need say this. Boy… and I mean boy because that is how I perceive you, I am done with you. You are too late, I’m done. Take it away Jojo! (play in the embedded player below or follow this link):

I’ll be your friend, yes, but I am never ever ever ever going to let you get anywhere near my vagina! (again only within marriage because I am a Christian)…ever. I’m done with you. Move along.

*** Rant over ***

What Catherine Needs

I need the person I’m married to and sleeping with (only within marriage of course) to be someone I can respect! Whatever you believe in, do it with conviction. I’d rather passionately make-out with someone who doesn’t go to church with conviction, than marry someone who goes to church half-heartedly -_- even Jesus doesn’t like people who are lukewarm:

(Revelation 3:14-22 NLT) “[14] “Write this letter to the angel of the church in Laodicea. This is the message from the one who is the Amen–the faithful and true witness, the beginning of God’s new creation: [15] “I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! [16] But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth! [17] You say, ‘I am rich. I have everything I want. I don’t need a thing!’ And you don’t realize that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked. [18] So I advise you to buy gold from me–gold that has been purified by fire. Then you will be rich. Also buy white garments from me so you will not be shamed by your nakedness, and ointment for your eyes so you will be able to see. [19] I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference. [20] “Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends. [21] Those who are victorious will sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat with my Father on his throne. [22] “Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what he is saying to the churches.””

Conclusion

I’ve given the online dating thing a good try but it hasn’t worked how I would like. Anyway, so I’m trying to go to face-to-face singles events and even speed dating (which is better suited to the level of attention that I am willing to give to each match) and we’ll see how that goes… lol.

And remember guys! Grow up and read your Bible everyday or no vagina for you! (within marriage obviously).

Bye!

Catherine

God displayed sovereignty to me in an amusing way | #skinnyjeans #Jesus #love #cars #lol #bumbums

Hey everyone!

So, here’s how God demonstrated the sovereignty of the Lord to me the other day…

I am single (for now) and I believe in Jesus. Often people say to me “God is going to bring the right person and you’re going to meet that guy when you least expect it!” and I’m like yeah sure ok that’s cool but surely there’s something that I need to be doing right? To actually attract men? lol. Like going out; working out, keeping myself fit (although I like to do that for myself follow this link to find out more); making sure I look nice when I leave the house? So, yes I do all these things, although the exercise thing is for me 😛

Anyway, as I was saying I do all those things, I like to keep within the bounds of my frame, I do this through diet and exercise, I try and keep my hair looking cute!; I wear decent clothes and I’ve been to the spa and spent A LOT of money on my face!! Like a lot lol. I haven’t had plastic surgery just if you tot-up the bill for how many times I’ve been to the spa over my lifespan and how much it has cost me you will realise that I have spent a lot of money on my face lol. So I’ve said to myself you know what I need to do to get hitched? I need to deal with me, look at yourself first make yourself presentable right? Right so I’m off trying to do things, to “help God,” that cost me money with the hope they will help me attract “Mr Right”. Ok just bear in mind how much time and money I’ve spent on my face (I haven’t had plastic surgery I’ve just spent a good deal of time at the spa lol), keep that in mind…

So anyway I was walking to town as I do from time to time and I meditated on something that I’ve noticed happens every time I go to town. I always get beeped at by men in cars and they usually yell something like “yeah!” and pop their heads out of their cars and look at me smiling or look me in the eye smiling when they are cruising in their cars next to me or look at me smiling and if there is another guy the male driver is chatting with other guys in the car who are also smiling when they have stopped at lights or something or I see them looking at me in their wing mirrors, it’s very intimidating actually. I noticed that that happens more when I am walking to town and less when I am walking back and I thought, why is that?

Anyway I did what I wanted to do in town then walked back and I was wearing a light cardigan and I thought, to myself “hey! this top looks really nice on me let’s take it off and show the local males my figure, maybe someone will ask me out lol, yes that’s a good idea Catherine” So I did! 😀 but cars driving towards me weren’t really paying attention to me, I think one guy beeped at me. I noticed a man walking behind me seemed to linger behind me and then eventually passed me with a small smile on his face but he wasn’t really looking at me and I thought, “…hmm, that’s odd”. Generally, when I’m walking back from town, it’s cars on the other side of the road, the ones driving towards my back, that beep at me, although some on the side I am do pay me attention as well but not as much. Now, I used my brain which is currently doing a PhD to meditate on these things….

When I walk to town, I walk on the pavement which is on the left hand side going with the traffic into town (in Britain we drive on the left) and when I walk back from town, I walk on the same side, which when I’m walking back makes me walk against the traffic. Now… those of you who are British will know we drive on the left hand side, meaning that when I am walking to town on the left cars on the same side as me are going in the same direction as me driving towards my back and away from my front and when I am walking back on the same side, cars next to me are now driving towards my front and away from my back.

I’ve realised that the men in the cars beeping at me are mainly coming at me from behind, therefore, they are actually beeping at my bum and not my face… So, all that money I spent on my face was wasted. The end.

Now I googled this whole butt thing, I joked about it in my other blog post (follow this link to read) but I didn’t actually know it was an actual thing. Apparently, men really like bums and a nice round bum is apparently a sign of fertility and apparently, jeans show off your bum more, which is what I was wearing, skinny jeans to be exact and I guess the lunges and other forms of exercise I do every other day (for free) is helping me to fit in my jeans in a way that appeals to men. I actually have no idea what it’s doing to my behind because I can’t see it lol.

The one time I looked down on the whole journey to get something out of my bag, I looked up only to see the fittest man drive past me in the back passenger seat of a car, just got a glimpse, the one time I stopped trying and he was there right in my face. I looked him in the eye he looked angry, fidgeted, shrank into his seat and looked a little uncomfortable lol. Probably because he was a grown man being driven to the shops by two oldish looking people who were clearly his parents. Then I walked home laughing lol

Reminds me of the song No Scrubs by TLC

Anyway, I’ve realised that I’ve spent all that money on my face and the thing that guys look at the most is a more “humble” part of my body… my bum lol. Had I just chilled I could have saved all that money.

The moral of this story is, God is sovereign. God is in control. God will do things in God time and not human time, using things that we didn’t even think could be used to get us where we need to be. God is sovereign, we waste our own time, resources and peace of mind trying to force God’s hand. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Instead wait for God.

Catherine x

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#beach #Barbados http://wp.me/p3VMqU-Rx #fam

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Some lighthearted reasons why #men are like #dogs, feel free to #paw over this lol | #pets #animals #men #fun #lol

Hello,

I’ve been meditating on the similarities between men and dogs. Below are my musings: (FYI, the man and dog in the picture above are not mine lol)

Here’s why men are like dogs:

  • They have faces and hands…
  • They’re cute
  • They like to snuggle up on the sofa with you
  • They make excellent friends
  • To keep them fit you give them appropriate feed and take them for regular walks
  • They love meal times
  • They’re hairy
  • They love back rubs
  • If you let them, they’ll lick your face
  • They don’t like going to the doctor
  • They’re territorial over their females
  • They have whiskers (moustache)
  • Sometimes you have to clean up their sick
  • Sometimes they wee on your (bathroom) floor…
  • The whole world is their toilet 🙂
  • You have to house train them
  • Stronger than they look
  • They lick themselves clean – I have seen this…
  • They like to play with toys even when they are adults
  • Pathological fear of a rolled up newspaper
  • They’re affectionate!
  • They come in all different shapes and sizes
  • When they’re too frisky you get them done (haha!)
  • They like attention
  • Happy to see you in the morning
  • Some are more docile than others
  • You adopt them from their mothers (lol)
  • They have no clue what women are angry about
  • Sloppy wet kisses!!!
  • They occasionally bark at you
  • You can dress them up in cute outfits
  • They enjoy physical contact with their favourite humans
  • It’s culturally acceptable for them to be topless in public
  • Weird fascination with butts
  • They aren’t expected to shave their legs
  • They enjoy taking a nap
  • Fancy themselves as pack leader

That’s all I can think of for now!

Catherine x

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This is how I know when #winter is here! #pets #dogs #fireplace

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Throw Some Things Away | #Jesus #clothes #shopping #love #tidiness #soundcloud #music

Hey Everybody,

I’ve done a substantial amount of work on my phd, enough that justifies me taking some time off. Sooo….

I felt like God was telling me to throw away some clothes. So I set about doing so, I was surprised by how many clothes I had for a start, secondly, how many clothes I had that just didn’t fit any more or I just didn’t want. Can you believe it? I’ve been working out and that has put muscle on my thighs and butt, so now some of my clothes don’t fit me any more lol. The irony… LOL.

You know, sometimes God gets us to get rid of things in our lives because He wants you to make space for something nice that He has for you. It says in Leviticus:

Leviticus26:3 & 10 [NLT] “[3] “If you follow my decrees and are careful to obey my commands, … [10] You will have such a surplus of crops that you will need to clear out the old grain to make room for the new harvest!”

It also says in Isaiah:

Isaiah 54:1-6 [NLT] “[1] “Sing, O childless woman, you who have never given birth! Break into loud and joyful song, O Jerusalem, you who have never been in labor. For the desolate woman now has more children than the woman who lives with her husband,” says the LORD. [2] “Enlarge your house; build an addition. Spread out your home, and spare no expense! [3] For you will soon be bursting at the seams. Your descendants will occupy other nations and resettle the ruined cities. [4] “Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of widowhood. [5] For your Creator will be your husband; the LORD of Heaven’s Armies is his name! He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of all the earth. [6] For the LORD has called you back from your grief–as though you were a young wife abandoned by her husband,” says your God.”

Through the process of clearing you are also building, you have to clear space in order to build an extension to your home, in order for God to fill it. I really identify with that, being someone who has never given birth and someone who has been spurned and abandoned on numerous occasions, it’s nice to know that even when though other people reject you Jesus steps in to be the love that other people, things and situations are incapable of giving to you. Sometimes people throw you away in anger when they should not, perhaps they feel like you are not giving them enough attention or whatever they feel that they are due from you… Certain people need calm right down and get over themselves, I’m talking to you… -_- Those people are fools and those people, things and situations are the kind of things you just need to throw away and let go of, so that Jesus can step in and bring into your live people, things and situations that will bring joy to your life. Getting rid of something is not the end, it’s the beginning 🙂 Here’s some music I wrote for my PhD! It’s about marital sex, as a Christian that’s the only kind of sex I encourage! Read the explanation here

Listen to the other versions:

P.S. I’ve bought some new clothes including my new sexy underwear (follow this link to find out about that! lol), which I shall put into the space I have just cleared hehe 😛

Catherine

I’ve decided to try new things

Hello

I’m thinking about pushing the boundaries and to stop being so “safe” and to try new things. That is all. I’m busy trying new things lol.

Here’s the playlist with my new song about marital sex in the garden from last week. There’s 3 versions in the playlist, the original, acoustic and orchestral, let me know which one you like best.

Play in the embedded player below or Follow this link to play:

You can also listen on SoundCloud. Follow this link to play or use the embedded player below:

Catherine x

I Wrote A #Song for #Christmas ‘Our Love’ – #music #freelance #musician #Christmas #Christian #composer #songwriter #singer #producer #SoundCloud

Ladies and Gentlemen!

Here it is as promised! I wrote a song for Christmas!

It’s about being in love with the person that you are in love with your way and not how other people think you should be in love with that person. It’s also about being proud of the person that you are in love with and not caring who knows that you are with this person! And that person in my life is Jesus! Normally people pray to Jesus and read the Bible and I do those things plus! I like to watch films with Jesus and go on dates with Jesus to my favourite coffee place and when we watch films together I make a space for Jesus next to me, I pull out a chair at dinner time for Jesus and we write songs together and have fun together, like friends! 🙂

Follow this link to play ‘Our Love’ or use the embedded player below:

p.s. the background picture was taken that time when there was loads of snow this month lol

Lots of Love and Merry Christmas

Catherine x

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The #christmastree 🌲 is up at #church ⛪yay!

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You Feel #Lonely Because You Don’t #Love Yourself – #selfesteem #positivebodyimage

Hello Everybody,

I’ve been thinking, about why sometimes I feel lonely and here are my conclusions:

  • I feel like I love lots of other people more than I love myself.
  • I feel like I’m soo forgiving of other people and I make soo many concessions for other people’s mistakes but I’m very harsh and cold towards myself,
  • I’m intolerant of myself and my faults
  • Although I enjoy quiet time with myself I still feel like at the end of the day I want to hang out with other people more than I actually want to hang out with myself.
  • I’ve noticed that other people are more accepting of my physical appearance than I am
  • I need to stop criticising myself
  • I need to smile more and think more of myself

This is why I feel lonely. I don’t enjoy my own company. So when there is no one around to love me, I don’t even love myself, so then there’s literally no one there to love me at all. When other people abandon me I’m not there for me because I abandoned me a long time ago. This is a terrible sin and a crime against myself that I literally only noticed since Sunday of this week. It needs to stop, I need to forgive myself, love myself and take care of myself more.

I wrote a song in response to my meditations:

I hope this has enlightened someone today, maybe you have been feeling the same way you need to love yourself. I don’t mean that you should masturbate, I felt like Jesus told me in no uncertain terms that that is a big NO-NO, for more info see this article for a Christian perspective on this issue (follow this link). You know it isn’t going to help anyway, nothing will if you don’t feel love for yourself on the inside. As Christians we don’t believe in that kind of “self-love” anyway. We believe that Jesus’ love is enough but I also feel like part of Jesus loving us, is Him helping us to be emotionally well adjusted by coming to terms with who we are, what we look like, what we do and having a healthy sense of self esteem. Yes Jesus loves you, He also wants you to have the courage to love yourself as well.

P.S. I have an RSS Feed/Podcast! – Catherine Waithe-Arnold http://feeds.soundcloud.com/users/soundcloud:users:3505160/sounds.rss

Lots of love

Catherine x

#New Ways To #Pray #Christian #Jesus

Hello everybody,

A short one today I’m v. busy. Two days ago I was very tired after doing a lot and praying a lot. So when it came to bedtime prayers I was very tired. (Every morning I pray and read the Bible before getting out of bed and every night I pray and read the Bible before I go to sleep).

So I decided that that night I would try something different as I was exhausted physically and emotionally. I invited Jesus to come and sit on the bed with me and listen to Christian music with me. Music that I wrote actually and just meditated on the lyrics, what they mean, what I can do better, how can I use these, the themes, reflecting on my relationship with Jesus, where we have been and asking Jesus questions.

I found it refreshing just to meditate in Jesus’ presence. The stress just washed off me and I don’t remember when I fell asleep! 

Try it. Put on some Christian music, if you write Christian music and it’s recorded put it on! Invite God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit to come and sit with you, meditate on God, ask Jesus questions and bask in the Holy Spirit.

Much love,

Catherine

Womanhood, love and pain

I accidentally posted this unfinished and early before, my little finger brushed the publish button, touch-phone screens are really sensitive these days lol!

Good evening,

I’ve been meditating on womanhood, pain and love.

This morning my period started and it was excruciating as usual. I was literally sitting there writhing in pain for hours. Thankfully I work from home.

Whilst I was writing in pain I was thinking, this is the price I have to pay in order to have children because as we all know from school, a menstruating woman is a fertile woman.

Basically menstruation in a nutshell is the beginning of a cycle where a woman’s ovaries produce an egg, the womb lining gets thicker in preparation to host a baby and the egg waits to be fertilized by sperm. If the egg is not fertilized then the woman’s body says “ok better luck next time let’s get rid of all this extra stuff we don’t need it this time”, then her body dumps the egg and the extra lining of the uterus. The menstruation is the sign that at one point that month your ovaries produced an egg. If your ovaries aren’t working and don’t produce any eggs you don’t have periods. Which is why menstruation is a sign of fertility. The NHS has an informative page on periods.

Anyway, so I was thinking, we women ensure pain every month so we can have the gift of children, that’s the only reason why I don’t complain. I bear the pain for the love of being a mother one day.

Then I thought physical pain and love are inextricably linked in womanhood. So periods are painful but you keep them because you love children.

Childbirth is excruciating (so I’m told lol) but it one of the most loving moments between a mother and her child she endures it so her child can be delivered and live. Labor is an act of love.

Sex, this can be painful for some women because they have problems like Vaginismus, again, the NHS has a handy page on this, in a nutshell that’s when a woman’s pelvic muscles spasm whenever she tries to put anything in her vagina e.g. a tampon, this literally shuts the vagina, so nothing can get in.

Or another thing is that perhaps it’s her first time having sex and she doesn’t know what she’s doing and he doesn’t know what he’s doing, especially if they are Christians and waited till their wedding night to have sex. This is something that keeps me up at night lol I feel really worried about this even whilst writing this I’ve developed a headache lol. Me and my single self is totally in control of what goes in my nether regions, apart from when I get the annual smear test, again the NHS are helpful with this one.

I would love to be married but I am not looking forward to an over enthusiastic, heavy (because I only weigh 7.5st or 102 pounds lol), aroused man trying to navigate my body for the first time. I feel like it’s going to hurt lol. However! We can work on it, I’m told sex gets better with time. Also, a decent man will listen to you when you say, “please don’t do that at that angle” lol. So I’m willing to work with him to educate/help him to not hurt me and still have a fulfilling sex life. But you see obviously you have to first experience the pain before you realise you shouldn’t do something. Therein lies the risk you take in having an intimate relationship with someone. You might get hurt, a good man won’t mean it, it’s just he doesn’t know what he’s doing, communicate with him, if he’s a good person he wont want to hurt you. However, you have to be willing to risk pain so you can grow together in physical and emotional closeness.

And that’s life as a woman but I know Jesus will help me through it all!

 

Love Catherine