Somebody needs some #love

Hey everyone,

I just feel like I need to post this for somebody who needs some love 🙂

Catherine x

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Even more dodgy things people say to me on #onlinedating No 3.

My goodness,

I know I said I wasn’t going to share any more of my online dating escapades for a while but I was just flabbergasted by this guy’s response, I just can’t believe this:

(I’m the purple bubble)

What is the deal with that?? This is ridiculous… I don’t think that any of the guys that get in contact with me care about my personality lol. I don’t know why I bother lol.

Do all men want that? Is that what Christian guys think when they see me too? Is that what the “kids” is doing these days? lol I don’t know I’m not sexually active, I’m not married lol.

Maybe there’s a church somewhere I can find someone nice who will have the decency to marry me first before asking me if I want to sit on their face, which BY THE WAY seems like a very un-hygienic, practice to me, not something I would want to do personally, also you could probably suffocate a person that way or even break their nose “ouch!” 😦 I’m just saying.

Someone said to me this week they like my smile and they “…just wanna ride…”.

I want someone who will make love to me 😦 not “ride” me like a horse or a rollercoaster *stupes*…. Come on guys, let’s respect women more. Christian or not I don’t think it’s unreasonable for adult women and men to expect a bit more and a bit better from each other really.

That’s the kind of thing you come up against as a Christian young woman trying to search for someone. Without Jesus I think for some of these people, sex genuinely is all they have and they just want something to plug that Jesus shaped hole. You’d be surprised how fulfilling friendship with Jesus is. Jesus is very interesting and surprisingly sweet. See my previous blog post: I Saw #Jesus

Lastly, I couldn’t help but add this one:

Oh dear!………..* shakes head *

P.S. Below is my profile picture for online dating, the high-vis jacket seems to be going down well and a regular turn on but I don’t know why lol. Different I guess?

Catherine

I Saw #Jesus!

Hey everyone,

So yesterday I had some spare time and I was just (wasting it lol) spending it laying on my bed, on top of the covers, pretty much doing nothing but daydreaming, thinking about nothing important really. In fact, what I was thinking about was something rather silly, I was imagining being on one of those chat shows and thinking about what I would say and wear and so on lol.

Then I looked over to the right and I saw Jesus just casually sitting on the other side of the bed. I thought to myself wait a minute…. Jesus just stealthily came into my room, sat next to me on my bed without my knowledge and was listening to me think stupidness lol, nothing particularly holy or inspiring but Jesus just seemed to be happy to chill. At first I noticed and carried on thinking, then the Holy Spirit said to me I should thank Jesus for being there. So I did.

I thought to myself – how long has Jesus been there? Lol. Also, how often does Jesus do that? Lol. Also, I realised that Jesus must be there the whole time. We think we are alone but we’re not.

I thanked Jesus for being there because we know that Jesus “loves” us but sometimes it’s really comforting when Jesus does things to let us know that He “likes” us. You hang with people you can stand lol.

Interestingly – when I thought something that I knew was naughty, Jesus disappeared, I then asked forgiveness for that thought then Jesus reappeared!

My experience showed me that the following scriptures are true:

Psalm 34:7 NLT
For the angel of the LORD is a guard; he surrounds and defends all who fear him.

This is because I realised through my experience that Jesus must there all the time!

Also:

1 Thessalonians 5:2 NLT
For you know quite well that the day of the Lord’s return will come unexpectedly, like a thief in the night.

Jesus came into my room stealthily like a thief in the night, without my knowledge, it was just – boom – Jesus is here. My goodness when the rapture happens no one is even going to know what hit them, Jesus will just be not there and then be there!

N.B. I was at the sink this morning, my mind somewhere else again and I saw Jesus again! Standing in front of me, facing me, body angled slightly to the side, looking at me like he was walking past, saw something interesting and had just turned around to look to see what it was.

Fascinating!

Catherine x

More Dodgy Things People Say To Me On #OnlineDating Apps (and my #Christian response) No.2

Hey everyone,

This is another instalment and perhaps the last for a while of how things are going regarding my search for a mate!

This one is the typical problem I have, being a Christian female. There simply are not enough single, male Christians (who aren’t single for a good reason lol…) around the age of 18-35 in the church globally. So a young adult Christian woman, like myself, who no longer wishes to be single has to go elsewhere. However, guys who aren’t Christians often want things that we Christian young women cannot give.

Observe: (I AM THE PURPLE BUBBLE)

btw just to clarify the person I was speaking to was not a Christian

Screenshot_20190621_174229_1_1

At this point I’m thinking to myself…wait, did he just ask me if I wanted to sit on his face? I’m guessing he doesn’t mean he wants to give me a piggy back ride or maybe put me on his shoulders so we can go apple picking lol.

So I decided, this isn’t going to work as usual lol so I’m going to witness to him instead so I said:

screenshot_20190621_174323_1_1.jpg

Now, I must admit that I was a little turned on by that last comment… I’m only human lol

I wrote a song to that effect:

Pretty smooth lol. HOWEVER! I am a Christian and Jesus says that we are not supposed to have sex before marriage so I moved on.

Also – if you read the above carefully you can make a couple of assumptions, seems as though because he thinks I’m hot I get sex AND good times, presumably the ones he thinks are ugly he just sleeps with and doesn’t take them out? Read it again, that’s the assumption I came to?

Anyway… it ended like this:

Screenshot_20190621_174403

Can’t win ’em all!

th

Let’s just corporately commit that guy to prayer……

Anyway, I can definitely see the futility of what I am doing…… I’m trying to not do something with people who want to do that thing with me a lot and expecting them to live in a way that is unnatural to them and they are expecting me to live in a way that is unnatural to me:

See the source image

Anyhoo, anyone who knows a nice guy who is single and willing to mingle and not penetrate me before marriage (because I have a right to not be penetrated before marriage if I don’t want to….) let me know!

Catherine x

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Feeling better! 🙂

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Dodgy requests I get on #onlinedating apps. No.1

Hi,

As you know I’m single and looking. I have been trying online dating it’s going ok.

However, I have noticed an uncomfortable trend of men asking me inappropriate things and I’ve decided to start shaming them because it’s not on! So today here’s the first installment of the kind of weird requests I get:

I didn’t even reply…

I am thankful I am a child of God and that my identity and self worth is in Jesus and not a man so I don’t feel like I have to give in to demoralizing or sexually deviant things to feel whole.

Amen!

The 7 Kinds Of Love

Hey everyone,

I feel the need to talk about love and the different kinds of love. I don’t know why but I hope this helps someone. A lot of this is available on Wikipedia but I have just put it all in one place for you!

The ancient Greeks had various words to describe “love” and the various forms it comes in. Let’s have a look at the first one in no particular order:

1), Agápe (ἀγάπη)

Agápe (ἀγάπη) – love: esp. charity; the love of God for man and of man for a good God (Liddell and Scott 2010, p.4). Agape is used in ancient texts to denote feelings for one’s children and the feelings for a spouse. Also, used by Christians to express the unconditional love of God for his children (Romans 5:5; 5:8) (Wikipedia 2019, Greek words for love). In his book The Four Loves (1960), C. S. Lewis describes this as the love that exists regardless of changing circumstances and recognizes this selfless love as the greatest of the four loves and a specifically Christian virtue to achieve (Wikipedia 2019, The Four Loves).

Canadian psychologist John Alan Lee wrote a set of typologies about love (types of things) in his book Colours of Love: An Exploration of the Ways of Loving (1973) and these are Lee’s recognizable traits of a person exhibiting this kind of love:

  • Attracted to several types of people
  • Meets people easily so most likely will begin with a stranger
  • Feels concern and care for each partner they have
  • Is neither jealous nor obsessive
  • Enjoys sex and is willing to improve it (Sternberg 1988, p.48) (Wikipedia 2019, Color wheel theory of love).

2.) Éros (ἔρως)

Éros (ἔρως) – love, mostly of the sexual passion (Liddell and Scott 2019, ἔρως) The Modern Greek word “erotas” means “intimate love”. In the Symposium (360 B.C.), the most famous ancient work on the subject, Plato has Socrates argue that eros helps the soul recall knowledge of beauty, and understanding of spiritual truth, the ideal “Form” of youthful beauty that leads us humans to feel erotic desire, that is, finding its truth, just like finding any truth, leads to transcendence (Plato 1973) (360 B.C.) (Wikipedia 2019, Greek words for love). Lewis saw this love in the sense of “being in love” or “loving” someone, as opposed to raw sexuality (Lewis 1960, pp.108-109). Additionally, Lewis also warned against the modern tendency for Eros to become a god to people, a justification for selfishness and even a phallic religion (Lewis 1960 pp.127-132, 113). After exploring sexual activity he also notes how Eros (or being in love) is in itself an indifferent, neutral force (Lewis 1960, p.124) (Wikipedia 2019, The Four Loves).

Lee’s recognizable traits of a person exhibiting this kind of love:

  • Feels strong physical and emotional connection through the relationship
  • Begins with a partner who is a stranger and evokes immediate excitement
  • May be exclusive but not possessive
  • Seeks early sexual adventure, variety and technique
  • Is ready for love and its risks (Sternberg 1988, p.51) (Wikipedia 2019, Color wheel theory of love).

3.) Philia (φιλία philía)

Philia (φιλία philía) – affectionate regard, friendship, usually between equals (Liddell and Scott 2019, φιλία). It is a dispassionate virtuous love, a concept developed by Aristotle (Internet Encyclopaedia of Philosophy 2014). In his work on ethics, Nicomachean Ethics (350 B.C.), Philia is expressed variously as loyalty to friends, family and community and requires virtue, equality, and familiarity (Wikipedia 2019, Greek words for love). In the same fashion Lewis saw Philia as the friendship love also and a strong bond existing between people who share common values, interests or activities (Hooper 1996, p.654). Lewis differentiates friendship love from the other loves describing it as “…the least biological, organic, instinctive, gregarious and necessary…the least natural of loves” (Lewis 1960, p.70). He expresses a strong distaste for the way modern society ignores friendship and felt that few people in modern society could value at its worth, as so few actually experienced true friendship (Lewis 1960, pp.77, 84–85, 70) (Wikipedia 2019, The Four Loves).

Storge is also used to describe this kind of love and Lee uses it instead of Philia so does not provide recognizable traits of a person exhibiting this kind of love (Wikipedia 2019, Color wheel theory of love). See below for Lee’s recognizable traits for a person exhibiting Storge.

4.) Storge (στοργή)

Storge (στοργή storgē) – love, affection and especially of parents and children (Liddell and Scott 2019, στοργή). It is the common or natural empathy, like that felt by parents for offspring (Strong et al 2008, p.228). Rarely used in ancient works and even then almost exclusively as a descriptor of relationships within the family. It is also known to express putting up with situations, as in “loving” the tyrant. This is also used when referencing the love for one’s country or sports team (Wikipedia 2019, Greek words for love). Lewis has an interesting take on this kind of love, describing it as liking someone through the fondness of familiarity, for example, the natural love and affection of a parent for their child. Lewis describes this as the most natural, emotive and widely diffused of loves. Natural because it is present without coercion, emotive because it is the result of fondness due to familiarity and most widely diffused because it pays the least attention to those characteristics deemed worthy of love and as a result, able to transcend most discriminating factors (Wikipedia 2019, The Four Loves).

Lee’s recognizable traits of a person exhibiting this kind of love:

  • Is not looking for love but is ready if encountered
  • Quietly possessive but not overly jealous
  • Believes love comes from friendship but not a goal of life
  • Only has sexual desires after commitment is declared (Wikipedia 2019, Color wheel theory of love).

5.) Ludus

Ludus – “game” in Latin (hence the name of the game Ludo, remember that? Old Schooool! Totally showing my age!!! lol). Lee uses the term to describe those who see love as a desiring to want to have fun with each other, to do activities, tease, indulge and play harmless pranks on each other (like me lol). The acquisition of love and attention itself may be part of the game (Lee 1973, p.16) (Wikipedia 2019, Color wheel theory of love).

Lee’s recognizable traits of a person exhibiting this kind of love:

  • Ludic lovers want to have as much fun as possible.
  • When they are not seeking a stable relationship, they rarely or never become overly involved with one partner and often can have more than one partner at a time.
  • They don’t reveal their true thoughts and feelings to their partner, especially if they think they can gain some kind of advantage over their partner. The expectation may also be that the partner is also similarly minded.
  • If a relationship materializes it would be about having fun and indulging in activities together.
  • This love style carries the likelihood of infidelity.
  • In its most extreme form, Ludic love can become sexual addiction (Wikipedia 2019, Color wheel theory of love).

6.) Mania

Mania – from the Latin for “mental disorder”, from which we get the term “manic” or mainiac! Lee defines manic love as flowing out of a desire to hold one’s partner in high esteem and wanting to love and be loved in this way. This type of love leads a partner into a type of madness and obsession. It is a mix between Ludus and Eros.

Manic lovers speak of their partners in possessives and feel they “need” their partners. Love is a means of rescue or a reinforcement of value. Manic lovers value finding a partner through chance without prior knowledge of financial, educational, or personality dispositions.

Insufficient expression of the love of mania by one’s partner can cause one to perceive the partner as aloof, materialistic and detached. Lewis doesn’t go into this in the book, probably because Mania isn’t love at all.

Lee’s recognizable traits of a person exhibiting this kind of love:

  • Anxious about falling in love and has expectations of pain
  • Quickly becomes overwhelmed by thoughts of their partner
  • Forces partner into showing affection and emotion
  • Is easily frustrated and does not enjoy sexual intimacy
  • Is very possessive and jealous (Wikipedia 2019, Color wheel theory of love).

7.) Pragma

Pragma – from a Greek term meaning “businesslike”. Lee defines Pragma as the most practical type of love and not necessarily derived out of true romantic love, rather, Pragma is a convenient type of love.

Pragmatic lovers have a notion of being of service, which they perceive to be rational and realistic. This also translates to having expectations of a partner and of the relationship. They tend to select and reject partners based on what they perceive as desirable, compatible traits. Pragmatic lovers want to find value in their partners, and ultimately want to work with their partner to reach a common goal. The practicality and realism of pragmatic love often aides longevity of the relationship, as long as common goals and values remain shared for the duration.

In a culture where arranged marriage is practiced, pragmatic love is very common at the time of mate selection. Values are likely to be shared by a couple in developing countries, where survival and wealth building are often prioritized over other life pursuits.

Lee’s recognizable traits:

  • Certain of their preferable “types”
  • Begins a relationship with an already familiar person
  • Believes a loving relationship is desirable for a happy life
  • Expects reciprocation of feelings
  • Believes sexual compatibility can be worked out (Sternberg 1988, p.51).

Further Theories On Love By C. S. Lewis

C. S. Lewis distinguishes between three main kinds of love Need/Gift Love, Pleasure and Appreciation Love.

Need- Love and Gift- Love
Need-Love – as the love of a child for its mother. However, a child’s need for parental comfort is a necessity, not a selfish indulgence. Gift-Love – epitomized by God’s love for humanity to the disparagement of the former (Lewis 1960, pp.9-12).

Pleasure and Appreciation Love
Lewis distinguishes Need-Pleasures e.g. such as water for the thirsty from Pleasures of Appreciation, such as the love of nature (Lewis 1960, pp.20; 27) from the latter. He developed what he called “a third element in love … Appreciative love” (Lewis 1960, p.26) to go along with Need-love and Gift-love (Wikipedia 2019, The Four Loves).

In my mind I rationalise it like this – Need/Gift Love is “I need you”. Need-Pleasure Love is “I want you” and Pleasure/Appreciation Love is “I want you because I need you”.

Catherine’s Thoughts On The Matter

I think I personally am a mixture of a couple of those loves, they show what I have said for ages. Love is an emotion that comes from being physically around someone. Real loves is bourne out of real life situations. Sometimes what you are feeling is not love at all it’s Maaaanniiiiaaa! Simple Ludus or Pure unadulterated Eros!

So back to my point that I keep on going on and on and on about…

You cannot fall in love with someone purely based on your interaction with them online. If you have not met them in person and do not have a real life physical rapport with them, it’s not love. You are in love with the idea of them, as without meeting them in real life, you cannot possibly know who or what they actually are. Your relationship is with your computer or smartphone via WhatsApp, Twitter, Facebook or even WordPress!

Do you find that when you see those little notifications from that person you have been stalking online ahem *cough* I mean that person you chat to online… that you begin to get a bit turned on? It’s not because you are truly in love with that person. You just enjoy the rush of interacting with them or stalking them online and you have conditioned your brain to receive pleasure from that kind of interaction, instead of interaction with a human face to face.

It’s not my place to judge why people do these things, I am just pointing out the flaws in such interaction. I’m just saying, God made humans as two naked people. Naked to show the intimacy and transparency that comes from real friendships.

Genesis 2:21-25 [NLT]
“So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the LORD God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. [22] Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. [23] “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.'” [24] This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. [25] Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.”

God didn’t make Adam and a computer screen with Eve sitting in some other part of the Garden of Eden. Humans are supposed to be relational and together, face to face, more often than not. Online interaction is not a substitute for real life relationships.

Follow this link to read my previous blog post on this issue, it’s important > Can you fall in #love with someone #online? #onlinedating #communication #internet #relationships

Catherine x (do not misinterpret that as a kiss…)

Bibliography

Books

Hooper, W. 1996. C. S. Lewis: A Companion & Guide. United Kingdom: Harper Collins Pub Ltd

Lee, J. A. 1973. Colours of Love: An Exploration of the Ways of Loving. Toronto: New Press.

Lewis, C. S. 1960. The Four Loves. London: Geoffrey Bles

Liddell, H. G. and R. Scott. 2010. An Intermediate Greek-English Lexicon: Founded Upon The Seventh Edition Of Liddell And Scott’s Greek-English Lexicon. United Kingdom: Benediction Classics.

Plato. 1973. The Symposium. W. Hamilton Trans. 1973. Repr. Harmondsworth: Penguin.

Sternberg, R. J. 1988. Triangulating Love. In The Psychology Of Love, R. J. Sternberg & M. Barnes eds, pp.119–138. New Haven, CT: Yale University Press.

Strong B, W., L. Yarber, B. W. Sayad and C. Devault. 2008. Human sexuality: diversity in contemporary America. 6th edn. New York: McGraw-Hill.

Websites

Aristotle. 350 B.C. ‘Nicomachean Ethics. Trans W. D. Ross’ The Internet Classics Archive Web site, at: <http://classics.mit.edu/Aristotle/nicomachaen.8.viii.html&gt; 02 May 2019

Internet Encyclopaedia Of Philosophy. 2014. ‘b. Philia’ Internet Encyclopaedia of Philosophy Web site, at: <https://www.iep.utm.edu/love/#SH1b&gt; 24 August 2014.

Liddell, H. G. and R. Scott. 2019. ‘ἔρως’ Perseus Web site, at: <http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.04.0057%3Aentry%3De)%2Frws> 02 May 2019

Liddell H. G. and R. Scott. 2019. ‘στοργή’ Perseus Web site, at: <http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.04.0057%3Aentry%3Dfili%2Fa&gt; 02 May 2019

Liddell H. G. and R. Scott. 2019. ‘φιλία’ Perseus Web site, at: <http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.04.0057%3Aentry%3Dfili%2Fa&gt; 02 May 2019

Plato. 360 B.C. ‘Symposium. Trans. B. Jowett.’, The Internet Classics Archive Web site, at: <http://classics.mit.edu/Plato/symposium.html&gt; 02 May 2019

Wikipedia. 2019. ‘Color wheel theory of love’, Wikipedia Web site, at: <https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Color_wheel_theory_of_love&gt; 01 May 2019

Wikipedia. 2019. ‘Greek word for love’, Wikipedia Web site, at: <https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love&gt; 1 May 2019

Wikipedia. 2019. ‘The Four Loves’ Wikipedia Web site, at: <https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Four_Loves&gt; 01 May 2019

Goodbye *waves* | #friendship #love #happiness #Jesus |

An open letter to my friend

For my friend…

Hey everybody!

So it is with great sadness that I send this post. The older I get the more and more it has come to my attention that I have people and things in my life that I just don’t need because they are not contributing anything, they don’t even make me happy and they are just wasting space for people and things that could make me happy.

So I have taken a very long and very hard think and have decided that there are just some people in my life that I just don’t need any more. There are certain people in my life where I just feel like our relationship has just stagnated and has been for many years.

Have you ever known anyone where you’ve known them for years but you still feel just as awkward with them as you did nearly 20 years ago? Or you feel like your relationship with that person has never improved, grown or developed in any way? You feel like you have not grown as people together? They seem to be embarrassed by you in front of their friends? They don’t want their friends on facebook to know you know each other so they hide your posts? Or they ask you to delete them? You have no shared goals or values? You try and contact them and they hardly ever or never reply but when it’s some kind of activity that they are organising or they want you to go to for whatever reason they are always full of chat? They are happy when you are their secret and annoyed when other people want to drive you home and they tell them not to, to isolate you so that only they can drive you home? and when your life moves on they seem to be unhappy about it? I’m not even talking about romantic relationships, I’m just talking about ordinary friendships.

I like my friendships to grow, develop and move forward, circumstances permitting. When I say circumstances permitting I mean obviously when my friends get married or move or whatever, our friendship then takes on a new dimension, as they have children etc, you can’t be out all night with them all the time then etc. However, if circumstances permit a stronger bond with deeper dimensions, (again I’m not talking about romantic relationships I’m talking about just being decent friends) and this is not being exploited or properly utilised then there’s a problem and you’re not friends.

Time and time again guys fail to understand this. You want a girlfriend but you are not nice in a consistent way to all of the women around you. Women talk, so they will be spreading news of your bad behaviour to all the ladies you want to date. Additionally, how do you expect to wholeheartedly love someone when you don’t have the capacity to wholeheartedly love? You should be able to show love to anybody, I’m not talking about romantic love I’m talking about the kind of love that friendship should be. I admit I am talking to myself here as well, we all struggle to be nice. I absolutely despise guys who are only kind to women they are romantically interested in. I have no time for such people.

Obviously I know there are degrees of friendship and not all friendships are close but some are distant when they should be close and the emotional distance is as a result of dysfunction, that’s the kind of friendship I am talking about here.

The Ancient Greeks were much more adept at explaining the various degrees or kinds of relationships and the different kinds of “love” that you encounter within them, they had several words for love:

Éros (ἔρως érōs) love, mostly of the sexual passion
Storge (στοργή storgē) tenderness, love, affection, especially of parents and children
Philia (φιλία philía) affectionate regard, friendship, usually between equals
Agápe (ἀγάπη agápē) love: esp. charity; the love of God for man and of man for God

Being nice isn’t a declaration of érōs (sexual passion) but without storgē (tenderness) how do yo expect to even get to érōs? Don’t you know if agápē (charity, the kind of love that exists despite changing circumstances) is not fully developed in your life there can be no philía (friendship) and without philía there will never be any érōs (well not with me anyway… Especially not before marriage as I am a Christian)? I’m not asking for sex no offence, I’m just asking for kindness lol.

What can I say, I like friendships to have as much depth as they ought to, no more and no less. That’s not to say that I would push a friendship more than it should go. You get a feel for certain people that makes you think “ok this is a distant friend” or “ok we can be closer”. However, what really grinds my gears is when you have someone wanting you close only when it’s convenient for them and you’re doing all the friending…

When I am in a friendship with someone, I want to be more to you and you be more to me as time goes on. I’m not talking in a romantic way, I’m just saying that any kind of relationship whether it’s a friendship, a business relationship, a family relationship or a romantic relationship needs to grow positively somehow in order for it to succeed and be useful in any way. You need to be adding something positive to each others lives as often as possible. You need to be fulfilling some kind of need for each other, even if it’s the need for an occasional laugh or some light conversation. We need to grow together, have shared experiences and somehow lift each other up. There also needs to be emotional connectedness and emotional investment, not always emotional strain. I need to know that I can rely on you and you need to know that you can rely on me. All these things need to be done to whatever degree the kind of relationship permits (due to distance, culture, etc). Again, I’m not even talking about romantic relationships I’m just talking about ordinary friendships.

I don’t like or enjoy time wasters. Anything outside of what I just mentioned is pointless, if your “friendship” does not display any of the virtues like I just mentioned above (obviously distance permitting etc.), in my eyes, you’re colleagues or peers, not friends. If you aren’t growing together somehow in a meaningful way (as I said, to the levels that the friendship will permit) or you’re the same place you were 20 years ago and that place is not a good place (in some instances, being in the same place for 2 decades can be a positive thing) but when it’s a stagnant place, it might be time to call it a day at one point. That point is now. We are stagnant, the friendship is one sided and I’m taking out the trash.

Goodbye.

Now I understand how Jesus feels about us sometimes.

Catherine x

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#wedding #lols #party

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The 5 kinds of guy I have encountered whilst #onlinedating… | #love #marriage #datingapps #vagina #lol |

FYI – I will let you know when the footage from my last gig becomes available. See these other blog posts for more info:
* This one–> I had another #gig last week, sorry I didn’t tell you! | #musician #freelance #singer #songwriter #acousticguitar |
* And this one–> Footage from last weeks #gig! |#singer #songwriter #freelance #musician #acousticguitar #soundcloud #newmusic #livemusic #london

Now to this weeks blog post!

Hey everyone,

Thought I would just give feedback on how my online dating is going.

Basically, it’s going terribly lol. The issue isn’t finding guys who are attracted to me, it’s finding guys who are attracted to me, that I too am attracted to, that also don’t just want sex… *sigh*.

For a start I’ve had to reeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaallllllyyyyyy lower my standards. Like, a lot lol. I also feel like everything online is far too driven by looks as opposed to personality. See my previous blog post on this issue (follow this link). Additionally, I don’t actually believe you can fall in love with someone online anyway I’ve made that quite clear in this blog post (follow this link), so I pretty much think that if they are talking to me because they just want sex.

Also, I seem to be not necessarily attracting guys my own age but older guys, literally, Caucasian men in their 30’s, between 30-37 seem to love me…? FYI (as of the 6th of Dec 2018) I am currently 28 years old. I don’t have any issues dating guys older then me. In fact, I welcome it. In fact, I don’t actually like dating guys my age, as a rule I go for older. Anyway, here’s the 5 kinds of guys I’ve encountered:

1.) The sexually deviant or just want a hookup (one night stand for the uninitiated)

I don’t think the majority are talking to me for my brain. I feel like when I am chatting away to whoever, they see me as some toy and just an innocent little girl that they hope to do shameful things to, below is an actual conversation I had:

Me: Hey! 🙂

Him: Ooo cute, free later 😉 ?

Me: Heh
So tell me a bit about yourself?

Him: Weeeeellll
I’m free later
And I live here, ## ### (hidden for the users protection)
Soooo
Yea
Pop round

I unmatched and blocked that user. I’m not stupid enough to go round his house for him to violate me repeatedly. It’s a shame, he was cute but didn’t seem like he would take no for an answer. He somehow thought I was stupid enough to actually go????

2.) The guys that don’t reply.

Now I know how all 1.5k+ guys (no I’m genuinely not exaggerating) who messaged/liked me feel when I don’t reply lol. It’s not nice when you like the person but they don’t reply or reciprocate but I don’t think it’s a good idea to talk to people who you are not interested in just to tell them you don’t like them, doesn’t seem nice to me either.

3.) The guys with off-the-grid sexual appetites :/

My mother said a while ago that I seem to attract men who want to be dominated. True to form one guy who liked me was specifically looking for a a woman who would dominate him. He wanted to be in something called a “cuckold relationship” and described himself as:

“a submissive male seeking a hot wife who is open minded and sexually independent and free.”

I don’t even know what that means and I don’t want to know lol…

There’s some sick people out there. I like MANLY men. I really fancy men who have beards as well, just a side note 🙂

4.) The guys that are trying to catfish you

They just don’t want to show you a picture of their face…

5.) The guys who are weird

Those complete and utter weirdos, who after talking to them, you think to yourself, no wonder you’re here!… Lol

What Catherine wants

As I said, the main issue isn’t finding guys who are attracted to me, it’s finding guys who are attracted to me that I too am attracted to, that don’t want just sex. I get that a man who is attracted to you is a man who wants to have sex with you. I get that. I also get that if the man that I am with doesn’t want to have sex with me then there’s a problem but come on guys. It just can’t be all about sex and looks. That’s so short-sighted, remember women age!

Here’s what I’m willing to settle for: A guy who wants sex but also likes me as a person and respects my values. How hard is that? Seriously? Below is a good video which talks about what I believe (play in the embedded player below or follow this link):

My Complaints Against Single Christian Guys

I want to date a Christian but soo many single Christian guys in their late 20’s onwards seem sooo wet and immature… I want a husband not a pet. Here’s a scenario that happened to me:

I went to a church that wasn’t mine. I had on a dress and pearls and a bunch of guys stood there talking about talking to me. They just stood there huddled up staring at me, my back was turned to them but I could hear them and see them from the side. Not a single one of those “boys” actually talked to me despite lengthy conversation about it. I did actually wait around a bit to give them a chance but eventually I just got hungry and left lol. My concern was that by the time one of those guys decided to grow up, get over their fear of women and actually talk to me I’d be so old that my eggs would have gone off in my ovaries.

I have actually told guys that I like them before I have been rejected as well but it doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger. If you like a girl/woman say something, she might just like you too.

I admit I have also had some very positive experiences of single Christian guys who just went for it and WELL DONE TO YOU GUYS. I REALLY APPRECIATED IT AND YOU TOTALLY HAVE MY RESPECT I SHOULD HAVE KISSED YOU.

I want an actual man who has the stones to do what needs to be done. Not someone the age of a man that acts like a boy allllll the time. I’ll put up with a certain amount of silliness for a laugh but you can’t be childish all the time, it’s not funny. I have observed other very childish things that single Christian guys in their late 20 some-thing plus have done/tend to do but I can’t even be bothered to document them right now. I’m just not impressed at all.

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I will never ever ever allow you to penetrate me everrrr with that attitude (obviously only within marriage). My vagina is reserved for winners, dude (again, obviously only after marriage). Grow up, buck up and stop being losers. I don’t want to be mean but some of you just won’t learn.

Also, more seriously, many of them are Christian by name only, they don’t read their Bible everyday, they don’t go to or participate/serve in a church regularly and they pick and choose which parts of the Bible they are going to follow, which usually includes the parts that suit them somehow.

Spiritual maturity goes hand in hand with ordinary maturity. Ordinary maturity tells you you have responsibilities and you need to be disciplined and make time for God. This in turn develops your spiritual maturity by spending scheduled time with God which develops your maturity about other things because then you become adept at hearing and recognising the Holy Spirit, who will in turn advise you on day to day matters of common sense and integrity. The ones that don’t have common sense or integrity tend to be the ones that lack spiritual maturity because they lack the discipline to bother to seek Godly wisdom in a timely and organised manner.

My ex was the love of my life but I was certainly not stupid enough to marry him (although we did pick out a ring for me and we went looking at furniture and argued in the John Lewis store about kettles, I wanted the pretty kettle and he wanted the one that would last…). I wanted to marry him I did and I was very sad when he broke up with me but most of that was wounded pride lol. I never regretted not marrying him he tried to ask me several times and I kept on saying “mmm I think we should wait” lol. Why did I dissuade him? I did that because he was a boy in the body of a grown man who I had to beg to read his bible every day, also he barely went to church before I bugged him to. Also, he was only ever nice to me and then again he wasn’t really all that nice to me either and he lacked common sense. I’m not sorry we’re not together any more lol. We started out as friends, it became something else, then it fizzled away and now I am free lol.

As I said I was sad at the time but the breakup was necessary for me to grow. I am much happier now! His foibles were down to a lack of spiritual maturity. His problems began and ended with his apathy towards his primary responsibility as a man, which was to his God and seeking wisdom from his God. Any idiot can get married (and many idiots do!) but a Godly person gets married to the right person at the right time.

*** In a separate matter not related to my ex**** I really feel like I need to say this just to make it really final. No offence but if you don’t read your Bible everyday, you don’t respond to your WhatApp’s not necessarily the same hour or even the same day (because you know people are busy and sometimes I admit I miss them as well, I just got a text and a WhatsApp today from someone who tried to get me yesterday but I just missed it) but if you can’t even reply the same month I send them and you still don’t know how to talk to or interact with the opposite sex in your late 20’s plus, I don’t want to know!

No offence but I really need say this. Boy… and I mean boy because that is how I perceive you, I am done with you. You are too late, I’m done. Take it away Jojo! (play in the embedded player below or follow this link):

I’ll be your friend, yes, but I am never ever ever ever going to let you get anywhere near my vagina! (again only within marriage because I am a Christian)…ever. I’m done with you. Move along.

*** Rant over ***

What Catherine Needs

I need the person I’m married to and sleeping with (only within marriage of course) to be someone I can respect! Whatever you believe in, do it with conviction. I’d rather passionately make-out with someone who doesn’t go to church with conviction, than marry someone who goes to church half-heartedly -_- even Jesus doesn’t like people who are lukewarm:

(Revelation 3:14-22 NLT) “[14] “Write this letter to the angel of the church in Laodicea. This is the message from the one who is the Amen–the faithful and true witness, the beginning of God’s new creation: [15] “I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! [16] But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth! [17] You say, ‘I am rich. I have everything I want. I don’t need a thing!’ And you don’t realize that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked. [18] So I advise you to buy gold from me–gold that has been purified by fire. Then you will be rich. Also buy white garments from me so you will not be shamed by your nakedness, and ointment for your eyes so you will be able to see. [19] I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference. [20] “Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends. [21] Those who are victorious will sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat with my Father on his throne. [22] “Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what he is saying to the churches.””

Conclusion

I’ve given the online dating thing a good try but it hasn’t worked how I would like. Anyway, so I’m trying to go to face-to-face singles events and even speed dating (which is better suited to the level of attention that I am willing to give to each match) and we’ll see how that goes… lol.

And remember guys! Grow up and read your Bible everyday or no vagina for you! (within marriage obviously).

Bye!

Catherine

God displayed sovereignty to me in an amusing way | #skinnyjeans #Jesus #love #cars #lol #bumbums

Hey everyone!

So, here’s how God demonstrated the sovereignty of the Lord to me the other day…

I am single (for now) and I believe in Jesus. Often people say to me “God is going to bring the right person and you’re going to meet that guy when you least expect it!” and I’m like yeah sure ok that’s cool but surely there’s something that I need to be doing right? To actually attract men? lol. Like going out; working out, keeping myself fit (although I like to do that for myself follow this link to find out more); making sure I look nice when I leave the house? So, yes I do all these things, although the exercise thing is for me 😛

Anyway, as I was saying I do all those things, I like to keep within the bounds of my frame, I do this through diet and exercise, I try and keep my hair looking cute!; I wear decent clothes and I’ve been to the spa and spent A LOT of money on my face!! Like a lot lol. I haven’t had plastic surgery just if you tot-up the bill for how many times I’ve been to the spa over my lifespan and how much it has cost me you will realise that I have spent a lot of money on my face lol. So I’ve said to myself you know what I need to do to get hitched? I need to deal with me, look at yourself first make yourself presentable right? Right so I’m off trying to do things, to “help God,” that cost me money with the hope they will help me attract “Mr Right”. Ok just bear in mind how much time and money I’ve spent on my face (I haven’t had plastic surgery I’ve just spent a good deal of time at the spa lol), keep that in mind…

So anyway I was walking to town as I do from time to time and I meditated on something that I’ve noticed happens every time I go to town. I always get beeped at by men in cars and they usually yell something like “yeah!” and pop their heads out of their cars and look at me smiling or look me in the eye smiling when they are cruising in their cars next to me or look at me smiling and if there is another guy the male driver is chatting with other guys in the car who are also smiling when they have stopped at lights or something or I see them looking at me in their wing mirrors, it’s very intimidating actually. I noticed that that happens more when I am walking to town and less when I am walking back and I thought, why is that?

Anyway I did what I wanted to do in town then walked back and I was wearing a light cardigan and I thought, to myself “hey! this top looks really nice on me let’s take it off and show the local males my figure, maybe someone will ask me out lol, yes that’s a good idea Catherine” So I did! 😀 but cars driving towards me weren’t really paying attention to me, I think one guy beeped at me. I noticed a man walking behind me seemed to linger behind me and then eventually passed me with a small smile on his face but he wasn’t really looking at me and I thought, “…hmm, that’s odd”. Generally, when I’m walking back from town, it’s cars on the other side of the road, the ones driving towards my back, that beep at me, although some on the side I am do pay me attention as well but not as much. Now, I used my brain which is currently doing a PhD to meditate on these things….

When I walk to town, I walk on the pavement which is on the left hand side going with the traffic into town (in Britain we drive on the left) and when I walk back from town, I walk on the same side, which when I’m walking back makes me walk against the traffic. Now… those of you who are British will know we drive on the left hand side, meaning that when I am walking to town on the left cars on the same side as me are going in the same direction as me driving towards my back and away from my front and when I am walking back on the same side, cars next to me are now driving towards my front and away from my back.

I’ve realised that the men in the cars beeping at me are mainly coming at me from behind, therefore, they are actually beeping at my bum and not my face… So, all that money I spent on my face was wasted. The end.

Now I googled this whole butt thing, I joked about it in my other blog post (follow this link to read) but I didn’t actually know it was an actual thing. Apparently, men really like bums and a nice round bum is apparently a sign of fertility and apparently, jeans show off your bum more, which is what I was wearing, skinny jeans to be exact and I guess the lunges and other forms of exercise I do every other day (for free) is helping me to fit in my jeans in a way that appeals to men. I actually have no idea what it’s doing to my behind because I can’t see it lol.

The one time I looked down on the whole journey to get something out of my bag, I looked up only to see the fittest man drive past me in the back passenger seat of a car, just got a glimpse, the one time I stopped trying and he was there right in my face. I looked him in the eye he looked angry, fidgeted, shrank into his seat and looked a little uncomfortable lol. Probably because he was a grown man being driven to the shops by two oldish looking people who were clearly his parents. Then I walked home laughing lol

Reminds me of the song No Scrubs by TLC

Anyway, I’ve realised that I’ve spent all that money on my face and the thing that guys look at the most is a more “humble” part of my body… my bum lol. Had I just chilled I could have saved all that money.

The moral of this story is, God is sovereign. God is in control. God will do things in God time and not human time, using things that we didn’t even think could be used to get us where we need to be. God is sovereign, we waste our own time, resources and peace of mind trying to force God’s hand. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Instead wait for God.

Catherine x

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