I’M WORKING ON #NEWMUSIC ! #np #soundcloud #hiphop #composer #freelancer #musician #music teacher #phdlife

Hey everybody!

So I’m working on a song for my PhD project. This song is basically about the conversation I had with Jesus whilst I was on my hospital bed when I had to take time out from my studies.
Here’s a snippet of what I’m up to enjoy!

Listen to Work in Progress – Hip-Hop (follow this link or play in the embedded player below)

Love Catherine x

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Guess where I am! On a #date with #Jesus #cheekynandos

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Suffering

Hello everyone,

I watched the film King Arthur: Legend Of The Sword and God used the story as a spring board to speak to me about suffering in general, as well as my own personal suffering. Arthur went through suffering which enabled him to defeat his enemy and save his people. I enjoyed the film. The soundtrack is really interesting! I’ve been through a lot in my 27 years, not as much as others but enough. 

I struggle daily with my blood sugar, exhaustion caused by mental anguish due to my health, dyslexia, dyspraxia. Because of them I have to focus so hard when reading that reading a couple pages sends me to sleep and I’m doing a PhD lol.

There’s also the Aspergers which also makes me exhausted, being around people makes me feel exhausted. I pretend like it doesn’t but it does lol. Like many autistic people I struggle to sleep because my mind won’t slow down at night so I have a habit of waking up exhausted.

On the plus side, peoplee with the above issues tend to be very creative and Jesus had made me creative. I play the: Penny Whistle in D, Piccolo, Flute, Clarinet in Bb, Alto Saxophone, Lever Harp, Piano, Acoustic Guitar, Electric Guitar and I sing. I also own but do not play very often the: Soprano Recorder (the common one but that’s just it’s proper name), Ocarina and a Pan Flute! I also enjoy Sketching and Painting and composing music and photography! I’ve got many hobbies.

Now what I feel God is saying is that our characters and formed through suffering, low level suffering like a child wants a PS4 and the mother says wait to high level like you maybe develop a disease or something like that. 

Reading Romans 9 it seems as though God actually chooses some people to cause trouble just to show His power and then He does away with them later?

Romans 9:11-23 NLT

[11] But before they were born, before they had done anything good or bad, she received a message from God. (This message shows that God chooses people according to his own purposes; [12] he calls people, but not according to their good or bad works.) She was told, “Your older son will serve your younger son.” [13] In the words of the Scriptures, “I loved Jacob, but I rejected Esau.” [14] Are we saying, then, that God was unfair? Of course not! [15] For God said to Moses, “I will show mercy to anyone I choose, and I will show compassion to anyone I choose.” [16] So it is God who decides to show mercy. We can neither choose it nor work for it. [17] For the Scriptures say that God told Pharaoh, “I have appointed you for the very purpose of displaying my power in you and to spread my fame throughout the earth.” [18] So you see, God chooses to show mercy to some, and he chooses to harden the hearts of others so they refuse to listen. [19] Well then, you might say, “Why does God blame people for not responding? Haven’t they simply done what he makes them do?” [20] No, don’t say that. Who are you, a mere human being, to argue with God? Should the thing that was created say to the one who created it, “Why have you made me like this?” [21] When a potter makes jars out of clay, doesn’t he have a right to use the same lump of clay to make one jar for decoration and another to throw garbage into? [22] In the same way, even though God has the right to show his anger and his power, he is very patient with those on whom his anger falls, who are destined for destruction. [23] He does this to make the riches of his glory shine even brighter on those to whom he shows mercy, who were prepared in advance for glory.

How interesting! For scriptures relating to Pharaoh’s hard heartedness see Ex 9:12, 10:20, 10:27, 11,10, 14:8 read chapter 14 top the end to find out about what happened to Pharaoh. Also, looking at the story of Joseph, God also uses tragedy to help people as Joseph said:

Genesis 50:19-20 NLT

[19] But Joseph replied, “Don’t be afraid of me. Am I God, that I can punish you? [20] You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.

And through Jesus he did! Read on till Exodus 1:7. 

God is given an opportunity to show off through adversity. He also teaches us humility in the face of his sovereignty. How can you have a Tesimony without the TEST? As Paul writes:

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 NLT

[7] even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. [8] Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. [9] Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. [10] That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Also, I think our “sinful natures” are tamed through adversity. Anyone recognise the following scenario?

Romans 7:14-24 NLT

[14] So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. [15] I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. [16] But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. [17] So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. [18] And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. [19] I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. [20] But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. [21] I have discovered this principle of life-that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. [22] I love God’s law with all my heart. [23] But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. [24] Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?

But you see there is hope for us with dealing with our humanity as Paul writes further in Romans:

Romans 8:1-14 NLT

[1] So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. [2] And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. [3] The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. [4] He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be fully satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit. [5] Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. [6] So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. [7] For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. It never did obey God’s laws, and it never will. [8] That’s why those who are still under the control of their sinful nature can never please God. [9] But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. (And remember that those who do not have the Spirit of Christ living in them do not belong to him at all.) [10] And Christ lives within you, so even though your body will die because of sin, the Spirit gives you life because you have been made right with God. [11] The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you. [12] Therefore, dear brothers and sisters, you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do. [13] For if you live by its dictates, you will die. But if through the power of the Spirit you put to death the deeds of your sinful nature, you will live. [14] For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God.

Even though we try very hard to do good sometimes we just do the wrong thing. However, the difference between a child of God and someone from the world is that we will repent, recognise we are wrong accept God knows best and try our best to do what He wants us to do. Eventually we will become perfect! 

John was exiled on the island of Patmos but then in his exclusion that’s where he received the revelation from Jesus that we today call the book of Revelation:

Revelation 1:9-11 NLT

[9] I, John, am your brother and your partner in suffering and in God’s Kingdom and in the patient endurance to which Jesus calls us. I was exiled to the island of Patmos for preaching the word of God and for my testimony about Jesus. [10] It was the Lord’s Day, and I was worshiping in the Spirit. Suddenly, I heard behind me a loud voice like a trumpet blast. [11] It said, “Write in a book everything you see, and send it to the seven churches in the cities of Ephesus, Smyrna, Pergamum, Thyatira, Sardis, Philadelphia, and Laodicea.”

So isolation is a tool of suffering that God used in order to speak to us and other people as well.

Another thing God broght to my attention is that He uses adversity to separate his people from the world. This is a special kind of suffering the bible teaches that will happen at the end time, this suffering is eternal. Jesus talks about it in the Parable Of The Wheat And Weeds:

Matthew 13:24-30 NLT

[24] Here is another story Jesus told: “The Kingdom of Heaven is like a farmer who planted good seed in his field. [25] But that night as the workers slept, his enemy came and planted weeds among the wheat, then slipped away. [26] When the crop began to grow and produce grain, the weeds also grew. [27] “The farmer’s workers went to him and said, ‘Sir, the field where you planted that good seed is full of weeds! Where did they come from?’ [28] “‘An enemy has done this!’ the farmer exclaimed. “‘Should we pull out the weeds?’ they asked. [29] “‘No,’ he replied, ‘you’ll uproot the wheat if you do. [30] Let both grow together until the harvest. Then I will tell the harvesters to sort out the weeds, tie them into bundles, and burn them, and to put the wheat in the barn.'”

[JESUS THEN EXPLAINS THE PARABLE LATER]

Matthew 13:36-43 NLT

[36] Then, leaving the crowds outside, Jesus went into the house. His disciples said, “Please explain to us the story of the weeds in the field.” [37] Jesus replied, “The Son of Man is the farmer who plants the good seed. [38] The field is the world, and the good seed represents the people of the Kingdom. The weeds are the people who belong to the evil one. [39] The enemy who planted the weeds among the wheat is the devil. The harvest is the end of the world, and the harvesters are the angels. [40] “Just as the weeds are sorted out and burned in the fire, so it will be at the end of the world. [41] The Son of Man will send his angels, and they will remove from his Kingdom everything that causes sin and all who do evil. [42] And the angels will throw them into the fiery furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. [43] Then the righteous will shine like the sun in their Father’s Kingdom. Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand!

I feel like all I can say is to “fight the good fight”:

1 Timothy 6:11-14 NLT

[11] But you, Timothy, are a man of God; so run from all these evil things. Pursue righteousness and a godly life, along with faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness. [12] Fight the good fight for the true faith. Hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you, which you have declared so well before many witnesses. [13] And I charge you before God, who gives life to all, and before Christ Jesus, who gave a good testimony before Pontius Pilate, [14] that you obey this command without wavering. Then no one can find fault with you from now until our Lord Jesus Christ comes again.

When bad things come your way, the devil thinks he is doing it to break you but God is using bad things to show His power, to save other people, to humble us and help us recognise God’s sovereignty, to help us to recognise and deal with our “sinful natures”, to give us revelation/speak to us and to separate us as His own in end times.
I wrote a song about holding on in times of adversity and performed it at church, it’s called ‘We’re Holding On’ 🙂

Lots of love Catherine x

#Imback #hospital #diabetes #health #church #Jesus

Hey Hey Hey!

For those who have been wondering where I’ve been lately I was in hospital!

Basically, I’d been feeling a bit odd lately, so much so that I didn’t even have the strength to blog or do anything fun at all. Then last Friday I collapsed!

I was rushed to A&E, by the time I got to the hospital I couldn’t walk and I was confused and breathless. I had lost over half a stone and I was weeing a lot! I was also dehydrated.

When I got to A&E I was taken to Rhesus, (the place where they resuscitate you). They took an X-Ray and put me on Oxygen, apparently I had less than 60% oxygen in my blood. They tried to get a blood pressure from me but they couldn’t because my blood pressure was so low and my arms were so scrawny.

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#hospital #accidentandemergency

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My extremities were ice cold because they were actually dead, my heart and brain had taken all the blood out of my extremities to preserve themselves. Furthermore, after X-Rays  and blood tests were done it was found out that my kidneys were dry and one was more dry than the other so I was actually running on only one and a half kidneys.

I was so confused and tired. I had seven drips in because I was so dehydrated. The worst thing was the Catheter, man when that thing was inserted it was incredibly uncomfortable. To make it worse because I was so weak previously I hadn’t shaved for like a month… oh the shame! 😦

Then I was sent to Intensive Care. I couldn’t eat anything I kept on throwing up, feeling nauseous. The doctors were all really friendly, the nurses were cool too! I really liked hte people in Intensive Care they were nice 🙂 I even get a sponge bath from the nurses after I threw up. I pay my taxes which go to the NHS, so that entitles me to at least one free sponge bath!

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#intensivecareunit

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As I was Dairy, Wheat and Gluten free I had to bring my own food to the hospital because there was nothing in the kitchen that I could eat, apart from boring roast chicken, diced vegetables and potatoes… On the plus side, I saw a dietician and upon discussion she suggested that I might actually be Lactose intolerant instead of dairy intolerant and advised me to try lactose free products instead. (I’ve been trying milk and I’m super bloated at the moment so I’ll try the lactose free stuff at the next opportunity).

Eventually, I was discharged to a Diabetic ward where I was the youngest person by about 40 years. I was opposite a woman who was 92!!!

The consultant eventually diagnosed me with having had Diabetic ketoacidosis or DKA read about that here. This consequently led to a further diagnosis of Type 1 Diabetes (read about that here), I was told by the consultant that for whatever reason my immune system was attacking my Pancreas, this in turn slowly diminished it’s ability to produce Insulin and that it was not my fault that this happened. Type 1 Diabetes is a failure of the immune system, Type 2 is that one that you get if you eat too much sugar.

I was gutted when I heard the news, I cried and I cried and I cried and I cried and I cried and I cried and I cried some more, the tears wouldn’t stop, I wasn’t even making a sound, tears were just running down my face and it wasn’t voluntary. I’m actually surprised that not one of the nurses or doctors or the consultant or the trainee doctors asked me if I was ok.

I’m out of the hospital now and I’m recovering, I still feel quite weak, I’m a tiny bit shaky and my eyesight is still improving. I went to church last Sunday but didn’t lead worship because I’m still quite tired. Moreover, I can’t really play the guitar effectively right now because my fingers are still sore because when I was in the diabetic ward, they checked my blood sugar every hour, which meant they pricked the ends of my fingers once an hour to draw blood to put it in the machine. Consequently, the ends of my fingers went purple and swollen.

Ok, so I’m upset about what happened and the diagnosis but I could have died and even if I didn’t die I could have gotten brain damage. Every time I started to spiral down into depression a friend would call or text me so I believe that Jesus did that to keep me to up beat and focussed! I totally see how Jesus saved me, reflecting on the results of the tests and the advanced stage in which the DKA was, medical staff have been astounded that I’m still alive, I was in the second to last stage before a diabetic coma. Jesus wanted me to live and fight another day and I’m thankful that He saw me through. Clearly, He has something for me to do later on in life that he wants accomplished.

I’m going to fight the good fight. This year in two months I will be 27, the 7th year is always the Jubilee year so this is my Jubilee year, watch this space!

 

Lot’s of love

Catherine

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#compressionsocks

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