Why I think being a modern man is difficult

Helloo,

I’ve been thinking about men and the things they struggle with. Read to the bottom I’ve attached a documentary by CNN on the topic, veerrrrrry interesting.

Life is hard when you’re a man. I live in Britain, so I can only speak about the typical Anglo-American male. Let’s scrutinize their lives together lol. For those of you who don’t know who that is it’s just a male that resides in either England (Anglo) or America, who adopts the English and or American cultural practices of manhood, usually but not exclusively, Caucasian.
The typical Anglo-American male is emotionally stifled. You are taught to internalize your emotions and to barely even recognize them and not vent in a healthy way. Then something that should have been dealt with or even dare I say cried about eventually just comes out as rage.
You don’t know how feminist you should be. Sometimes men offer their seats to women just to be gentlemanly and they get called out for it because the woman thinks that it is not a man’s place to do that just because she is a woman, she can stand on her own two feet. I’m personally not like that but I understand what the women mean by it.
You are bombarded by unobtainable standards of manhood. Having the right job, Earning the right amount of money. Having the perfect body with chiselled abs. Having your own place. Having your own children who are perfect. A wife who is perfect. A car that is perfect etc. Not everybody is going to be rich, or married or have perfect children.
Traditional gender roles have been blurred and you find this confusing and scary. Now this one is very interesting. With the increase in opportunities and education for women a woman can now do everything a man can. However, this presents itself with a problem in that it forces men to confront their place in society. This is because women’s role in marriage/society is also linked to their biology, only women can carry and give birth to children, so their traditional role as caregivers are justified and tied up in their biology. Men, however, cannot carry young nor can they breastfeed, so traditionally they went out to work and brought the dollar home but now women can do that too. BUTTTT women can encroach upon men”s traditional roles but men cannot encroach upon women’s traditional roles because their biology prohibits it, what I mean is that a man cannot carry or give birth to young or breastfeed etc. Which has your typical Anglo-American male thinking:

“…right so carrying the young for 9 months she can do that but I can’t and breastfeeding and giving birth she can do that but I can’t but it’s ok I can be useful other ways! Errm… ok so bringing in the money riiiight well she can do that as well, going out to work paying the bills ok yeah soooo she can do that too, driving the car, getting educated etc she can do that as wellll, so what exactly is my unique usefulness in society? She can not only do the things that men CAN’T DO but she can ALSO do the things that MEN CAN DO. What am I here for?…Sperm donor?”

Now I’m going to suggest something radical…. I think that men’s role in life is to love Jesus and nurture just like women nurture. I think men should be the opposite of what they are traditionally, stern, money bags, in charge, I think they should be in touch with their emotions and work in order to nurture and pick up the slack to help, not hold that over the women and just to be in charge. If the two sexes were to work together not against each other it would be so much more helpful. I think that encouraging equal opportunities for women is a big part of the nurturing role of men towards society as a whole. They have the social capital to do soo much good and they either waste it or abuse it. According to the 2017 Global Gender Gap Report, published by the World Economic Forum, which benchmarks 144 countries on their progress towards gender parity across four matrices: Economic Participation and Opportunity, Educational Attainment, Health and Survival and Political Empowerment, it will take 217 years for women to achieve parity with men globally. The report states that this is partly due to the widening of the Economic Participation gap, which has reverted back to where it stood in 2008. One key finding of the report is that Western Europe is reported to have a remaining gender gap of 25%, putting that area ahead of North America, which has a remaining gender gap of 28%. The report also goes on to state that a variety of models and empirical studies have suggested that improving gender parity could add an estimated US$250 billion to the GDP of the United Kingdom. One key avenue highlighted for further progress is closing the occupational gender gaps, which the report suggest require adjustments within the education sector, companies and by policy makers, pointing out that fields that, such as the care economy and the emerging technology sector, are losing out on the benefits of diversity (Word Economic Forum 2017, pp.vii-viii)
Some statistics on women’s leadership potential: I don’t want to exhaust you with stats so here’s the highlights:

  • Nordea Bank surveyed nearly 11,000 publicly traded companies over 8 years and found that on average companies with a female CEO or head of the board of directors had a 25% annualised return since 2009 more than double the 11% delivered by the MSCI World Index (Nordea Bank 2017)
  • A Credit Suisse report mapped 27,000 senior managers at over 3000 of the largest companies globally found that greater representation of women in senior leadership roles was linked to excess stock market returns and senior corporate profitability (Credit Suisse 2016)
  • Again, The Credit Suisse Research Institute in 2012 found that companies with women on their boards perform better than companies with all-male boards in challenging markets. Following the 2008 global economic crisis, for example, net income growth for companies with women on their boards averaged 14%, compared with 10% for companies with all-male boards (Credit Suisse 2012).
  • Lastly, a report in 2015, by the McKinsey Global Institute, who, for 95 countries, mapped 15 gender equality indicators, which fall into four categories: Equality In Work, Essential Services and Enablers of Economic Opportunity, Legal Protection and Political Voice and Physical Security and Autonomy, estimated that if a “full potential” scenario, where women participate in the economy identically to men, were realised this could add up to $28 trillion to annual global GDP in 2025. This impact would be roughly equivalent to the size of the combined US and Chinese economies. MGI also established a strong link between egalitarian societies, their attitudes and beliefs about the role of women and gender equality in work. Additionally, just like the 2017 Global Gender Gap Report (2017), published by the World Economic Forum, the McKinsey Global Institute report found that the most progress was needed in the technology and care industries and that the private sector, education sector, governments and NGO’s will need to change in order to bring about gender equality (McKinsey & Company 2015, p.ii). This report also highlights that women are half of the world’s working-age population but only generate 37% of GDP, they are also disproportionately represented in lower-productivity sectors and insufficiently represented in higher-productivity sectors (McKinsey & Company 2015, p.4). Additionally, the report highlights that 75% of the worlds total unpaid work such as: child care, caring for the elderly, cooking and cleaning is done by women, estimating that the unpaid work being undertaken by women today amounts to as much as $10 trillion of output per year, which is roughly equivalent to 13% of global GDP (McKinsey & Company 2015, p.2).

Patriarchy is not in men’s interest, women are primary caregivers due to our capacity to feed, birth and bear young. Men should be protecting and supporting women because they help to protect and support the world, given the same opportunities as men, as the afore mentioned stats show. Women often work in care industries such as teaching, nursing, care-workers, social workers etc. You don’t want somebody who can’t read or write or is unfulfilled or underpaid to be raising the most precious thing the world has, our children, if the women are not encouraged to be strong and educated or supported adequately during and after their pregnancies they will not be equipped to lead and nurture the next generation (which statistics show that they lead and nurture anyway). YOU CAN’T GIVE OUT WHAT YOU DON’T HAVE… We all benefit in the end from the children when they grow up.

Below is a documentary by CNN, you can follow this link to watch it or use the embedded player below:

Don’t forget the song I wrote 2 weeks ago 🙂

Love

Catherine x

#wedding #lols #party

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Bibliography

CNN, ‘The Feminist on Cellblock Y’ CNN Web site, at: <https://edition.cnn.com/videos/us/2018/04/18/the-feminist-on-cellblock-y-doc-orig.cnn&gt; 10 May 2018

Credit Suisse Research Institute. 2012. Gender Diversity and Corporate Performance. August. Zurich.

Credit Suisse, ‘The CS Gender 3000: The Reward for Change 2016’ Credit Suisse Web site, at: <http://publications.credit-suisse.com/tasks/render/file/index.cfm?fileid=5A7755E1-EFDD-1973-A0B5C54AFF3FB0AE&gt; 2 March 2018

McKinsey & Company, ‘The Power of Parity: How Advancing Women’s Equality Can Add $12 Trillian To Global Growth September 2015 Executive Summary’ McKinset & Company Web site, at: <https://www.mckinsey.com/~/media/McKinsey/Global%20Themes/Employment%20and%20Growth/How%20advancing%20womens%20equality%20can%20add%2012%20trillion%20to%20global%20growth/MGI%20Power%20of%20parity_Executive%20summary_September%202015.ashx&gt; 8 March 2018

Nordea Bank, ‘Investing in female CEO’s pays off, 2017’ Nordea Bank Web site, at <https://www.nordea.com/en/press-and-news/news-and-press-releases/news-en/2017/investing-in-female-ceos-pays-off.html&gt; 2 March 2018

World Economic Forum, ‘The Global Gender Gap Report 2017, World Economic Forum Web site, at: <http://www3.weforum.org/docs/WEF_GGGR_2017.pdf&gt; 8 March 2018

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YOU REALLY NEED TO READ THIS…

God wants you to read these again.

If you’re on my site now it means God wants you to read the following:

  1. Have a positive body image, you’re not ugly, you’re wonderful! – (follow this link to find out more)
  2. No, you cannot fall in love with people you only know online – (follow this link to find out why)
  3. This is what the Bible actually says about sex before marriage. You have a choice. – (follow this link to understand your choices)

Yes, masturbation is sex…

Getting the stuff above wrong is stripping you of your peace. This song is for you:

No picture today just focus and read.

Catherine

I’ve decided to try new things

Hello

I’m thinking about pushing the boundaries and to stop being so “safe” and to try new things. That is all. I’m busy trying new things lol.

Here’s the playlist with my new song about marital sex in the garden from last week. There’s 3 versions in the playlist, the original, acoustic and orchestral, let me know which one you like best.

Play in the embedded player below or Follow this link to play:

You can also listen on SoundCloud. Follow this link to play or use the embedded player below:

Catherine x

I Wrote A Song About #Sex for my #PhD | #phdlife #freelance #musician #soundcloud #music #feminism |

Hello Everyone!

So as we know I’m doing a PhD in Music, in the area of Theomusicology & Feminist Musicology and some other things, with a practical element to it. So one of the things I’m looking at is how women and sex is represented in music as my project is interested in sexual politics (in a metaphorical sense) but in a literal sense sexual politics is also about sex. In response to my findings I’m going to produce some songs on the topic. The practical portfolio will have songs on various topics relating to women and music and theology. It will make sense when you read my thesis. Here’s a paraphrased summary of what I’ve learned, the full academic essay will come later.

I chose the topic of marital sex as a context for my section on women, music and sex. My intended outcomes for this song are to present women/wives as strong, mutual/equal with men/husbands, sensual/emotional beings that enjoy sex and have their own opinions and sex drives and sexual desires that are just as important as the man’s within the context of marital sex. Furthermore, as I am a woman of colour, I am writing from the perspective of a woman of colour and I hope that my piece along with the values therein, will address the negative stereotypes about women of colour that perpetuate within Western contemporary songs about sex. In Western popular songs about sex, women of colour are usually represented in the most abased and course way. Furthermore, songwriters have an irritating habit if sexualizing the ways in which women of colour are often discriminated against, race, gender and class, by presenting them as the hot abused poor baby mamas *rolls eyes*, or one night stands, never anything good etc. Instead I, have written and performed a song, from the perspective of a woman of colour about being in a sexual relationship within the socio-economic status and security of being a wife, the lyrics talk about saying “I do” and rings etc. (you don’t have to be some guys baby mama, why are we always shown as the baby mama and not the wife?) and not a victim in sexual activity but a willing, consensual, active and committed participant. (N.B. I am not and have never been married this is just in the fictional narrative of the song).

As mentioned earlier, this song is about the joys of marital sex, as experienced by two fictional newly-weds. It follows the metaphor, imagery and form of ‘Song of Songs’ which is also called Song of Solomon, my favourite book of the Bible, (talking about gardens, fragrant spices, greenery, little foxes, having sex outside, it’s all in Song of Songs lol). Song of Songs is actually about the love between a dark skinned woman and King Solomon.

Song of Solomon 1:5 [NLT]
I am dark but beautiful, O women of Jerusalem- dark as the tents of Kedar, dark as the curtains of Solomon’s tents.

It also represents a counter-cultural approach to romantic relationships between men and women, as it is in fact the woman who pursues the man. I tried to reflect this in arranging it for a female singer and making the tone of the lyrics, that of someone who is a pursuer and initiator of physical intimacy. I also show the woman as initiator as well as mutual consenting participant, instead of a passive participant or victim. The lead vocal (the woman/bride) vocalises decisions about her own sexual desires and needs. You can find the woman in Song of Songs doing the same thing. The theomusicology comes in the narrative of the lyrics which implies that now they’re married they can have sex when and wherever they want to lol (within reason), which is a Christian theological standpoint (I’m a Christian btw). So it implies restraint and commitment before coitus, not after.

I also decided to make it walking pace because I found that most songs about sex and women, especially sex with or about or by women of colour, have quite a strong beat and lyrically emphasise the fun of sex with chauvinistic, misogynoir lyrics that often contextualise the woman and the act within the erotic, encouraging male brains to switch to autopilot, focussing entirely on the physicality and pleasure of sex, not the love. My piece is a response to these negative things I found. It is slow(ish) to be meditative, slow down the heart rate and give the listener space to clear their minds and think. The listener should not get carried away by eroticism but instead wrapped up in the sweetness, sensuality, thoughtfulness and intentional nature of the act of marital sex. Looking forward to adding this to the the final portfolio! So this is a sonic, feminist, womanist critique of pop music about women and sex, using the lived experience of a woman of colour as an analytical tool for reflection. I am trying to promote the knowledge of women by uncovering the lost narratives of our experience, like a Foucauldian genealogy.

Well done for reading, here’s the track! It’s called “I Hope The Neighbours Don’t See”

This YouTube playlist contains the Original, the Orchestral version, PLUS YOU CAN WATCH ME PLAY THE ACOUSTIC VERSION! Play in the embedded player below or Follow this link to play:

You can also listen on SoundCloud. Follow this link to play or use the embedded player below:

The Middle 8/Bridge is inspired by a conversation I had with a middle aged man who told me that when he first got married as a young man, he gave his wife a Hickey on her neck and someone from his church saw it and told him, “now you’re married you can do that where it don’t show” hah! lol

Lots of love

Catherine x

#wedding #makeup

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I’ve Been Trying Online Dating! | #onlinedating #dating #relationships|

Hey everybody,

As I said at the end of last weeks post I’ve been trying online dating! I’ve signed up to 4 of them, that’s as much as I can stand. Here’s my conclusions on my experience.
My overarching thoughts

  • I don’t believe that you can fall in love with someone online. Period. I blogged about this earlier (follow this link to read it)
  • Dating apps/websites take advantage of peoples desperation and loneliness when they charge them as much as they do.
  • I’ve really lost respect for middle aged Caucasian men lol. The fact that they are even trying bothers me because I think to myself, if the internet is a place where people tend to loose their inhibitions, that means that they must be thinking those naughty things about me outside the internet but not vocalising it. This makes me feel less safe. I honestly didn’t think that middle aged men looked at me twice but turns out that they do! I suppose men are men.
  • I do not want to date someone from Essex, nothing wrong with them it’s just I live here so I want more variety, my guy friends are Essex and that’s enough. I want to travel go somewhere new not stay put with the same people doing the same things in the same places with the same people.
  • My home town is incredibly small and every time someone from my home town finds me it bothers me, yes, my postman found me on one of the apps…disturbing.
  • The people group that I am apparently most INCOMPATIBLE with are the ones who contact me the most.
  • Just because a guy says he’s a Christian and is on a Christian dating site doesn’t mean that he is 🙂 – I knew that already I’m just writing that for the benefit of my readers.

This is the picture of me I’ve put up

Should I add this one?

I can’t believe that dress still fits! It’s the dress I wore to my school prom when I was 16! This picture was taken 10 years later!. Do you think this will get me a date? I’ve also uploaded a picture of me playing the harp and the guitar and a selfie of me with a piano lol.
Statistics on how things are going so far:

  • Average profile views per day: 930
  • Number of people who want to meet me: 1000+
  • Total unread messages across all platforms: 117+
  • Average likes/winks/etc a day: 5
  • Youngest person to try to interact with me: 18
  • Oldest person to try to interact with me: 67

People I’m compatible with (apparently according to the apps/websites)

  • Nationally, I’m most compatible with African-Caribbean men.
  • Locally, I’m most compatible with Caucasian men, (N.B. Essex is not very ethnically diverse)
  • Internationally, I appear to be most compatible with Caucasian American men.
  • The people group I am least compatible with is Caucasian British men…

People who contact me the most – in order of frequency

  • Men late 20’s – Mid 30’s
  • Caucasian British men….
  • Caucasian men from the European mainland who reside in Britain
  • Middle aged Caucasian men who really ought to know better
  • Middle aged African men – they are the most persistent
  • One woman?….??!!?!?
  • People who think it’s a good idea to ask me stupid questions… here’s an example – “Would you wrestle a man?” No you idiot I’d die *rolls eyes*

People who I date the most

  • Caucasian British men…

People group that my male friends mostly consist of

  • Caucasian British men….

The apps/websites say that I’m not romantically compatible with British Caucasian men although they make good friends. I can only date the people who ask me and as of 12/04/2018, I’ve been alive for 10,195 days and outside of the internet only 3 of them were spent being asked out by my own ethnicity that’s 0.029426189308484552% of my life. To be fair we are only 5% of the population. However, again, outside of the internet, whenever I have been asked out by my own ethnicity they were to the point and asked me the same day they met me lol, whereas I noticed the Caucasian guys that asked me out left a gap between meeting me and asking me out. Just an interesting cultural observation. Which begs the question of considering I was born and raised here, why do we differ so much so as to be not romantically compatible? Moreover, knowing that, why are they still trying to contact me? What do they lack that they feel that they can get from me? However, I’m not completely incompatible with them as an ethnicity, on the Christian dating sites, I’m more compatible with British Christian Caucasian men than any other ethnicity. Interesting!

I’ve been toying with putting up this picture? What do you think?

#beach #Barbados http://wp.me/p3VMqU-Rx #fam

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People who view me – in order of frequency

  • Caucasian British men
  • Caucasian American men
  • Middle aged Caucasian British men
  • African-Caribbean British men
  • African-Caribbean American men
  • African-Caribbean French men
  • Old Caucasian British men

Helpful comments

  • Don’t upload a profile picture with you and another woman who is your “friend”… – Any woman seeing that will have flashing lights go up in her head and hear “Danger Will Robinson!”.

danger-will-robinson

  • Don’t upload a profile picture with you and other guys – Fewl! I don’t know which one is you! Only you know which one is you!! I hope it’s the one I’m attracted to but it might not be so I don’t bother, the fact that you’re stupid enough not to think that through says all I need to know anyway…

  • Pictures with you and children are nice, shows you have a soft side.
  • Don’t upload a profile picture that obscures your face.
  • Don’t upload a picture of just your abs – I can’t have a relationship with just your abs come on….
  • Stop taking selfies in the mirror with your phone its stupid.
  • For goodness sake smile in your photos!
  • Don’t ask women stupid questions.
  • Don’t take pictures in Black and White, or pictures that are over exposed, or have a soft focus or are taken at a funny angle or have your hand obscuring your face somehow *rolls eyes* just show people your real face. I’ve blogged about this (follow this link for more).
  • Don’t lie about yourself or use someone else’s picture.
  • Lack of ambition is anathema to me…
  • Don’t start out your message with “I know I’m probably not your type but….” If you know that then why are you talking to me lol? A defeatist is of no use to me. Take off those panties and put on some big boy pants, seriously, my metaphorical balls should not be bigger than your actual ones. Be brave, just say “Hi” and leave it at that, let me judge whether we are compatible or not.
  • Don’t talk to people that you wouldn’t normally talk to outside of the internet, in ways that you would never talk to them outside of the internet, it’s just creepy. The same way you read me here is how I am in real life, the same people I would talk to online are the same people I would talk to outside of the internet and the same people I DON’T TALK TO ONLINE, are the same people I wouldn’t talk to outside of the internet.
  • Double check that the woman can speak the language you’re communicating in. Yes I can speak French (to an extent) but… CLEARLY MY PROFILE IS WRITTEN IN ENGLISH AND SAYS I SPEAK ENGLISH ONLY, SO WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME IN FRENCH? DO YOU WANT A DATE OR NOT? WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?

That’s all I’ve got so far. We’ll see how this stupidness ends lol.

P.S. when’s a good time to tell people you have diabetes and that they must adopt your two dogs? Answers on a post card!

Lots of love

Catherine x

I Wrote A New #Song – ish lol | #freelance #musician #worshipleader #musicteacher |

Hey everybody!

I hope everybody had a really good Easter! I did a lot of things and I am pretty tired after doing so much, obviously, as a Christian, worship leader and Music Pastor I spent most of Easter in church! See my previous post for me performing at an event 2 weeks ago.

Below is footage of me performing one of my songs called “Song of Songs (Congregation Version)” on Easter Sunday. It’s an adaptation of a song I wrote called “Song of Songs” which is based on my favourite book of the Bible, Song of Songs, (follow this link to read that fascinating book!) on Easter Sunday. Watch it in the embedded player below or (follow this link to watch)

I changed the lyrics to make it a worship song and also to make it more comfortable for people to sing out loud, watch the performance of the original song below to understand what I mean lol. Watch in the embedded player below or (follow this link to watch)

You can also listen to more on my SoundCloud profile here’s some highlights enjoy! Play in the embedded player below (or follow this link):

Now I’m back to work on my Thesis!

P.S. I gave in and tried some of those online dating sites/apps, it was all fun and good till my postman found me on one of the apps, now I just feel soo awkward… lol

Anyway take it easy!

Catherine x

Come Worship With Me! | #freelance #musician #worshipleader |

Hey everybody!

The other day I lead worship at an event! I thought I would put up the footage so people could come worship with me online! The following times are where I am leading worship:

1:28:26-1:33:30 – You’re My Healer

1:33:34-1:37:42 – Strength Will Rise (they eventually clapped in time… lol)

1:46:23-1:58:00 – Jamming Session (Instrumental of one of my original compositions
called ‘Hallelujah’, which I sing later on)

1:58:40-2:03:36 – You’re My Healer (Reprise)

2:09:01-2:12:00-  Hallelujah (original song by me)

Follow this link to listen or use the embedded player below:

The event was bi-lingual, people spoke the following languages: Brazilian, Portuguese, Spanish, English and Yoruba. Normally, at church I speak a bit between songs but I was soo nervous for some reason lol, I didn’t have anyone to translate anything I said anyway lol, they did for the message which was good, next time I’ll ask for a translator.

Big thanks to everybody who helped make Saturday evening happen, as well as those who stepped in last minute to accommodate!

P.S. Let’s crowd source some prayer for Catherine lol. My blood sugar has been up and down lately, let’s pray that it stabilises and I don’t absent mindedly give myself too much insulin again lol.

Lots of love

Catherine

I Am A #Freelance #MusicTeacher |

Hey hey hey!

Sooo I AM A MUSIC TEACHER! I teach the Alto Saxamaphone 😛 and the flute! I teach the ABRSM syllabus (follow this link to find out more). ABRSM (Associated Board of The Royal Schools of Music is the exam board of The Royal Schools of Music (follow this link to find out more). It’s music exam season and I put a student in for an exam! It’s totally great going to the exam venues when you’re not doing the exams ! It was stressful as a child. As I was not accompanying my student I did not have to go but I wanted to be a supportive teacher so I went!

If you would like music lessons head to my other website www.ridethefaderproductions.com and drop me an email at catherine@ridethefaderproductions.com !

I’ve got to say the Enfield exam centre was the nicest exam centre I have ever been to!

They have a nice practice area!

There were really nice chairs! It was in a vicarage, I had a lovely conversation with the lady at the centre, she goes to the church that the vicarage is attached to and was delightful to talk to!

They had free syllabuses on the table and other free pamphlets that I helped myself to lol!

Again, if you would like music lessons head to my other website www.ridethefaderproductions.com and drop me an email at catherine@ridethefaderproductions.com !

Lots of love and keep calm in your exams!

Catherine x

[Video] Music Exam Time!

Hello everybody,

I’ve put down my books for a bit to focus on my business Ride The Fader Productions www.ridethefaderproductions.com. I am a freelance musician, music teacher (alto sax, flute etc.) and worship leader and it’s exam season. I teach the ABRSM syllabus and was just focussing on my student for the past couple of weeks due to the exam, hope to see you here again soon!

 

Catherine x

#wedding #makeup

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[Video] Vlog Post | #phdlife #theology #musicology #freelance #musician |

Hey hey hey!

Lets catch up via YouTube shall we?

Love Catherine x

Selfie before a tutorial www.catherinewaithe-arnold.com | #freelance #musician #phdlife

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